The Death of a Crazy Man (Paithiyakara Pillai) by M V Venkatram

This is an English translation of "Paithiyakara Pillai," a short story written by M. V. Venkat Ram.

Translated from Tamil by Saravanan Karmegam.

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Rajam woke up, got up from bed, and rubbed his eyes. Though he was not sleepy, he didn't move out of the cot, sitting on it for some time, as if he was expecting something. When the rooster crowed ‘kok…karak….kooooo’ as he had expected, he sneered.

‘It seems that this rooster was just waiting for me to open my eyes… What could the time be now? Exactly, it is half past four,’ he mumbled to himself with a smile, tied his dhoti tightly on his waist, and got up.

He was worried that he must not face his mother in the early morning. He groped in the dark with his legs and leaped over his two sisters. His mother was sleeping just beyond them. Without bending forward, he switched on the light. Once the light came, he held his palm in front of his face and looked at it. He then picked up the mirror hanging on the wall and had a look at his face too. Only after these rituals did his mind get settled with peace. For some reasons unknown, he believed that the entire day would get spoiled with fights and brawls if he got up seeing his mother’s face.

He looked at the clock. It showed thirty-two minutes past four.

His neighbour was maintaining a small poultry in the backyard. It was the place where the wonder of hens laying eggs for some seven or eight months continuously without any rooster occurred. He was breeding a rooster just for the sake of possessing one. It was a rare breed of its kind. One and a half feet tall. It was pure white in colour as if it had been washed with Tinopal brightening powder. It was this rooster that crowed every morning exactly at half an hour past four with a fixed schedule.

“Do you know what I am going to do one day? I will scale the wall, twist the neck of that rooster, make a stew out of it, and eat it. How does it happen that exactly at half past four it could crow? That hysterical, unbearable howling in the early morning!

His attention got diverted to the loom platform. If he could weave yet another two-cubit length of yarn, he could complete a saree. It was the last saree. ‘It should be completed by evening today. Is it possible? Mother should not pick up fights with me. If the owner calls me, I can give some lame excuses. But how to avoid mother’?

He bent down defiantly and looked at his mother. She looked spiteful even in her sleep. Unbearable to see! ‘ Isn’t it a sin to denigrate one’s mother like this? She didn’t stop with one or two. Did she? It was five males and five females—all were fit and fine to date, without any deformities. His father was a skilful weaver. He would beat his mother in a drunken state without even distinguishing any part of her body. He wouldn’t leave her after beating her. Would he? He would be crying before her throughout the night, imploring her, which looked nothing less than holding her legs. 

Rajam was the eldest. He knew about the stupid story of their romance after each fight and the way they gave birth to ten children.

‘If they had not fought like this, so many children couldn’t have been born. Why should he beat his wife? After beating, why should he beg her, holding her chin? I am unable to understand only this. Mother must have become a bad woman only because of Father. During their early days, she didn’t raise her voice against Father. Once the beatings had become intolerable, she started raising her voice against him. Further, once her body had lost its stamina, she started beating him in return. Sometimes, she would bite him too.

Mother has buck teeth. They are seen protruding outside as if they stand guard to the lips. When the father beat her under intoxication, she would bite him wherever she could, be it hands or legs or mouth or stomach.

When he remembered the scene where his father used to run around the loom platform to escape her teeth, it brought him a smile.

“You must have been born as a dog…”

“Only because of that am I spoiling my life with you.”

Normally she would address him with respect. But during the peak of their fights, all her words of respectful address would just fly away.

“Your mouth has become too long. Breaking your teeth will only set you right.”

“O! Come, break my teeth. Let me see how you do it! If you are a man, try coming near to me. Let me see your guts,” she would challenge him and show her protruded teeth to him ostensibly.

But Father never dared to approach her to break her teeth. In order to regain his lost inebriation, he would run to the toddy shop again.

He was not sure whether he was scared of facing her teeth; he died after she gave birth to the tenth child. His death itself was an amusing anecdote.

All the deliveries of his mother had taken place only at home. One aunt used to accompany her during her labor times. She would only announce the birth of a child by making sound with a tambalam plate.

“What’s born?’ Father asked.

“Now the account is fully tallied. There are five male children. Aren’t there? Now the girl children will also be five.” 

“You mean…it is a baby girl?”

“Yes… I say the same.

“Before I get them all married, I will be buried in the banks of the Kaveri River if only she knows nothing other than begetting girl babies…? won't I?”

“You don’t have to tear off any damn thing to get them married. Everything will happen on its own according to their destiny. You don’t have to worry about it,” Mother told him, sitting in the room. 

“How can I remain quiet without getting worried? You are a woman. You remain at home to talk about anything you want. But I am the one going out, meeting people outside. It is I who will be reminded of the girls who have grown as big as granaries and reached marriageable age.”

“Only just a while ago, the child was born. Why are you worried about their marriage now?”

“You have given birth to four girls already. Is it an ordinary task to get all of them duly married? You know nothing other than giving birth to girls. Don’t you?

In order to forget his anxiety that his wife had given birth to a girl baby, he started drinking liquor from morning itself. He would knock at the door every hour and repeat his question, heaving a big sigh, ‘You fool! You know nothing other than getting a girl bab’y. Then he would go out again and come back after drinking. The entire day was, thus, spent with his same questions and drinks.

That night, we did not know what had happened. He vomited to the extent of making the entire house stink. Following it, he vomited blood and fell unconscious. Totally freed from his worries of getting the girls married, he reached the heavenly abode.

After that, Mother took up the responsibility of everything.

‘Mother taking responsibility! What did it mean? Did she achieve anything spectacular? She would get her stomach filled by making her children work by tormenting them. She did not know anything other than filling in her stomach.

Rajam was observant while brushing his teeth, as any sound he made might wake her up. While brushing his teeth, he laughed to himself as he remembered an old incident.

It was very much of an amusement for Rajam to see his mother brushing her teeth when he was a child. She would brush her teeth with a handful of ash soaked in water. She would take an unduly long time to brush each and every tooth. As a child, he would ask her, ‘Ov...amma...fok sawasthak tak kur kellarthek aa?  (O! Mother! Are you sharpening your teeth just to bite the father?”) “Arre toko onde baade bandha! Kaai thimirsaa? (You bugger! Let a bier be built for you! Look at his temerity!” With the hands still with spittle, she would chase him to beat.

He would run away from her before she could catch him.

Remembering this, he laughed himself. Completed brushing his teeth. He thought of going to Panjami Hotel to drink a coffee, followed it, waking up his sister and going to the loom.

He wiped his face, looked towards the East, and folded his hands to pray to the Sun, which had not yet arisen. There was a mirror in the niche near the loom platform. Looked at his face in it and combed his hair. He put on his shirt and was about to leave.

His mother was still sleeping, snoring thinly. Should women snore? If told, would she listen to him? She was not at all habituated to listening to his words. It might so happen that she would snore more just because he had told her not to do so. He expected her to snore till he comes back from the hotel.

“Reiii…Rajam kot jaristhe?” (Deii Rajam…where are you going?”) His mother’s voice hit his head like a crowbar.

Hmmm...What he had expected not to happen had actually happened. He did not speak anything.

“Isn’t the club where you are going now? Bring some Sambar in a glass.

“They won’t give Sambar in the club.”

“Why can’t they give? Get one dosai then.”

“Even if you buy a parcel, they won’t give sambar separately in the club.”

“No…he will give everything. You just ask them.

“They won’t give. They have displayed it in a hoarding.

“If you buy a dosa, he won’t deny sambar. Will he? It is you who don’t like to get me a dosa. You are scared of spending twenty paise for me. But you will satisfy your mouth with all those tasty special dosai and sambar as much as you could. Won’t you?”

“I thought of going to the loom after having a cup of coffee. But the way you pick up fights is just unacceptable.”

“Your own mother, who gave you birth, is asking for a dosai. But it seems to be a fight to you. Does it?”

“The entire house is sleeping. Just for telling the fact that Panjami Club guys won’t give sambar in a separate glass, you are bawling as if someone is taking away your life. Aren’t you?

“If then, you don’t have to go there. Go to some other club. You can enter the house if only you bring Sambar.

The aroma of Panjami Club’s coffee was still on Rajam’s tongue. It was a very well-known hotel in Kumbakonam for coffee made of cow milk.

His mother was not ready to sacrifice her sambar.

“It’s alright. Neither am I going to club nor drink coffee. Eii Kulli…Kulli…get up. Let us go to the loom.”

“If you don’t drink coffee, it is your problem. I need dosai and sambar.

“I don’t have money. Give me money; I will bring it.”

Till then, she was talking to him lying on the bed. On hearing this, she got up reflexively and sat on the bed.

“What did you say? Tell me! What did you say?”

“Did I say anything that is quite astonishing? I just told you I would bring dosai and sambar if you give me money. That’s it.”

“You have become such a cheapskate that you are unwilling to get a dosa for your own mother? Haven't you? You have not even tied the thali yet. But you have got stack after stack of rupee notes for that lady who is going to be your wife? Right?”

“See…ma…! Please don’t let your tongue loose. Our neighbors are fast asleep. They might wake up if they hear your howling. I have not bought anything for anyone.”

“The cat used to think that the entire world is dark just by closing its eyes. Doesn’t it? Do you think that I don’t know what all you are spending for the opposite house girl?”

“You shut up…. If you keep talking ill about the neighbourhood girls….”

“Did I talk about anything that is not existing? The way you smile at her when you walk on the street and the way she shows her teeth to you in return...the entire town is laughing at you. Do you know that? Let me tell you one thing. Keep it in your mind. You like to marry her. Right? It will never happen… Till I am alive, that girl can never enter this house as my daughter-in-law.”

Rajan blankly stared at his mother. He remembered how his father was running around the room to escape her teeth.

“What will you do? Will you bite me?” He asked her angrily.

“Let diarrhea eat you up! You call me dog. Don’t you?” His mother started jumping.

“You are not to be blamed anyway! It is that opposite house girl has given you some aphrodisiac. It has only made you enslaved like this. Deii…you call your mother dog. Your mouth will be full of worms…full of worms.”

The next house rooster crowed once again hysterically. Rajam got terribly annoyed. In the pretext of picking up fights for not bringing sambar, she was actually insulting Pangajam. Wasn’t she? It seemed that her sound would bring all the neighbours assemble there shortly. What will Pangajam’s parents think if they hear her abuses? How painful will it be for Pangajam if she happens to hear all these’?

“O! Goddess Kali! Please shut up. Shouting like this in the early morning will never do anything good for us. Now what do you want? A dosa and sambar. Is that all? Give me that glass.”

His mother did not move.

“Throw that dosai and sambar on the head of that ass. You called me a dog! Let a bier be built for your funeral. I am keeping my mouth shut as I don’t want to create any troubles for anyone. But you started treating me as a buffoon. The character you have inherited from your family line won’t go away just like that? Will it? Your father is a drunkard. His son will also be like him. Won’t he be?”

“Will you please stop it? I won’t call you a dog anymore. Take that tumbler. I will bring sambar.”

She never bothered to listen to what he had told. It seemed that she would stop only after spitting out all the possible vulgarity from her mouth.

Rajam’s anger crossed its limit. She was a lunatic. She was not going to stop. She might shut her mouth up if he gave some tight slaps on her mouth. He could have given that too. But being wary of her screaming, he controlled himself.

“Why are you staring at me, da?” Don’t keep all these naughty things with me. Do you think that no one will come for my help if you beat or kick me since I am a woman? Try beating me, who has given you birth. You don’t know what I will do. I assume that you are of the opinion that I am weaker. Aren't you? Remember, I am a relative of Kali Kuppamma. Just touch me if you can. I will tear off your stomach, take your intestines out, put it as a garland on my neck, and stand in front of the opposite house girl.”

There was a legend among Kumabakonam Sourashtara people that Kali Kuppammal tore her husband’s stomach apart with a sickle-like kitchen knife, roamed around the streets with his intestines garlanded on her neck before she surrendered before the police. Rajam also knew about this story. His mother brought up the reference to her relationship with Kali Kuppammal only on that day. She was not that courageous. She could only threaten her innocent children. Rajam could understand that there was no point in talking to her further. He himself collected a tumbler and left for the hotel.

Even his silent departure did not leave his mother silent. She screamed again, “You don’t have to buy anything for me. If you bring anything, I will throw it into the gutter.”

He left without uttering anything, stopping for a second hesitatingly. A question with its visualization appeared in front of his eyes in which he thought he could pull her, hold her hair tightly and shake it, give repeated blows on her cheeks one after the other and punch her on her face and back, and make her plead like, “Please leave…please leave me…” I will never come your way henceforth… You marry Pangajam and be happy with her. Please leave me” and finally throw her into a corner, kicking her to pulp. The very thought of this visualization comforted his senses. ‘Like the way Father used to beat her… She would pounce upon him to bite him. Will she pounce upon me to bite me like that? Let her come. Her tricks won’t work with me. I will break her teeth and hand them over to he’r, he begrudged in his mind. But that comforting feeling he was having did not last even for a minute. ‘Mother is Tadaka. Her words are sharper than her teeth. The moment he raised his hand, she would screech “murder…murder.” It was a residential area of five families, and there would be at least twenty persons. They would come to him running. All would find a mistake only in him.

He could not win over his mother.

He walked silently.  It might have been six or seven days since full moon day. The light of the crescent moon falling in the inner yard was giving a look of whitewash. It was the month of Masi. It was called the post-cold season. The night was completely icy. Everyone in that house, which had been segregated into cabins like pigeonholes, must be asleep. If they had been awake, one could hear their sound. The sound of the loom could also be heard. Only Sita Amma, who was from the third family, must be sleeping outside. The dim light of the moon was falling on her. The shawl was lying crumpled at her feet. Seeing her body twisted at all angles, one could easily say that she was also sleeping. No one was awake at home. When Rajam reached the front yard pleasantly after being convinced that no one could have heard his mother’s lunatic scream, he heard a voice in Tamil, “What Rajam…are you going to the hotel?”

It was Sarangan.‘ It seemed that he was awake. He could have heard the fight between Rajam and his mother. Couldn’t he? Let him hear it. Is he better in any way or what? Daily fights with the wife. Brother-in-law’s mediation. Can’t he speak in Sourashtra language being a Sourashtra man? He always speaks in Tamil.

“Hi…hi… ekedic velo kot jaan? ( Yes…yes…other than that, where will I go then at this time? Rajam replied in the Sourashtra language.

“I thought you were going to the toddy shop.” Sarangan laughed in Tamil.

“Anku fotha thelin jenika? (“Still, you do have a hangover. Don’t you?”

“How can I come out of being hung over? I keep it in a pot there. Leave it aside. Please bring a glass of sambar for me. In addition to it, get two idlis in a parcel.” He gave out an aluminum tumbler to Rajam.

Rajam, indeed, thought of not refusing him. But Sarangan was a mischievous chap. While coming back from the hotel, he would lock the door. Even if he shouts till his throat gets torn, he would not open the door. His mother would open the door hearing his sound. ‘Would she open it or would she disguise Goddess Kali, who has just opened up her eyes?’

“You may also come to the hotel.” Rajam received the tumbler from him.

“What will you do if any thief enters the house and steals the woven cloths if we leave the door open? Am I right? So, let me stand guard here. You go and bring my idlis.” Sarangan was smart in his replies and smiled.

Other than scolding him in his mind, Rajan couldn’t do anything. Holding those two tumblers in his hands, he was walking in the street.

The stars in the sky and the crescent moon were shivering in the cold. On seeing Rajam, a street dog got up. It was running behind him. He had not even fed it a morsel of food so far. But for reasons unknown, it used to accompany him every morning during his visits to the hotel as if guarding him. Mice and rats scattered here and there in the street at the sound of his feet. Pigs and donkeys were roaming around searching for their food. Some women were sprinkling water in the front yard and were drawing Kolam. The dog was running behind him. That night he had a dream. It was an old dream anyway. Ever since he became aware of asking questions, he had been having that dream for more than a thousand times. He was walking along a street. A maddened dog chased him, ferociously barking at him. He was running till he could not hold up his breath. It pounced upon him and bit him on his calf and grabbed it with its mouth. He got up with a huge roar, ‘Aiyooo,’ from his sleep. It would take some time for him to realize that it was just a dream.

Last night too, he had the same dream. The same rabid dog got hold of his calf muscles. People say that the person bitten by a rabid dog will also become mad. Will they become mad even if a dog bites them in dreams? He took a turn at the corner of the street. He threw his glance in all four directions and ensured that there was no human activity around there. Only that dog, which followed him, was standing near him. Wherever he stopped, it also stopped. The dog that had come in his dream was not as docile as this dog. How ferociously it was barking! Would his mother be scared of such barking? He looked at the street dog and feigned a feeble bark at it. It seemed that the dog got frightened as it had not seen a man barking at it. It ran back for some twelve feet distance and stood there, looking at him. Rajam thought that he would be able to chase his mother away if he barked at her. He smiled and walked towards the hotel.

The dog followed him again.

The hotel was situated near the Ganesh Temple. Even in that early morning, people were thronging there in crowds. Gone were the days when the weavers were going to the loom after having old rice. Now, the area was filled with coffee and tea shops. One could buy ‘anything’ from the hotel. But if someone asked a jar full of coffee, how would it be possible to get good quality coffee? Further, was it justifiable to demand one tumbler of sambar for two pieces of idli? Blaming the hotel owner served no purpose. Did it?

“Hey Rajam… It is rare to see you here these days! Aren’t you very fond of Panjami Hotel?” Seema, the hotel server, asked him endearingly.

“O! Is it Seema? When did you come here? How many days have you been gone from Panjami Hotel?”

“It is one week.”

Seema was the son of Purokitham Ramasamy Aiyangar. He didn’t like priesthood. Studies, too, did not get into his mind. He started his hotel career with a dream of becoming a movie star. No one would be able to see him in a hotel for two consecutive months together. Not only hotels; he would keep on changing his place from one town to another, like Thanjavur, Madurai, or Madras. He had a habit—a very good one. He used to serve the customers of the hotel by attending to them lovingly. If they ask for an item, he would give them two. He would reduce the bill amount too. Then he would meet them separately somewhere and get some money for watching movies. Hence, it was a win-win situation for both parties. There has been no history that a hotel owner had faced losses in his business due to his behavior.

“Seema! What are you chit-chatting there?” The hotel owner called him from his seat.

“One hot coffee.”

“Idli is also hot. Sambar is extremely tasty. Just a second. I will bring it.” Seema left quickly.

Rajam had two idlis, one ghee rava dosa, and a degree coffee. He got the parcel packed for his mother and Sarangan. He got two tumblers full of sambar at the mercy of Seema and got a profit of twenty-five paise in the bill amount.

“Precisely because of this, I gave you tumblers in your hands!” Saranagan praised him.

Rajam wanted to appease his mother somehow.

“Maa…. I have brought sambar. It is very tasty. Our Seema only gave it two tumblers full.” He gave it to her. She didn’t receive it.

“You have brought it. Haven’t you? Go and give it to the opposite house girl…go.”

Rajam looked at her face. The resentfulness found in that face made him uncomfortable.

‘Who else could satisfy this petulant? Let her scold him; she could give a couple of blows if she likes. But is it justifiable to disgrace that lady, the opposite house Pagajam? Who could make her understand what she is doing is unjust?

‘She has to go away from my life. Only after that can I remain in peace. She won’t let me on her own. I only have to disown her.

“As you asked for sambar, I have brought it for you. If you don’t like it, it is your problem. Eii Kulli…have you brushed your teeth? Can we leave for the loom?”

Kuli must be nine years old. She was the last child. She was waiting for her brother’s arrival. Rajan looked at the wall clock in the hall. It was half past five.

His mother didn’t stop with that. “Why am I going to touch that thing you brought? Go, give it to your wife.”

“If you keep talking ill about the girls of the town, it won’t sound good.”

“Nothing will happen even if my talk is not palatable. Look at the way you talk to me for asking for two idlis. You call me dog…you call me donkey…. You don’t have money for buying something for your mother. But you have bought an embroidered saree, a gold chain like a thick rope, and one sovereign thali for that lady you are going to marry. You have kept all in the trunk box. Do you think that I don’t know anything? From where are you getting money for all these? Rajam felt that he was being gored by the horns of a bull. “You idiot lady! Why did you open my box like a thief? How could you open it without my permission? Rajam shouted at his high pitch.

“Why should I seek permission from you to open a box kept at my house? Control your tongue. Whom do you call a thief? Call me like that once again. I will pull out your tongue and cut it off.”

As his top secret had come out, an inexplicable fear had overpowered him. For Pangajam, his would-be wife, he had bought an embroidered saree woven with his own hand from his owner at its principal price. He got one big thali and a small thali made for her. A chain too. He had kept all those items in a trunk without anyone’s knowledge. Once marriage was fixed, he would not be able to arrange all at once. Wouldn’t he? That was why he collected all those jewels as and when he was able to. But his mother had opened the box in his absence with a thieving disposition. How daring could she have been?”

“Eiii…lady! Why did you open the box?” He caught hold of her hands.

A sense of tiredness bursting out of his stomach with anger fueled by a darkness! 

“Chee! You dog! Leave my hands.” She pulled out her hands from his grip. “You have not even tied a thali around her neck. But look at the way you are dancing! Keep what I am saying locked in a box tightly with a lid. You like to marry that bit of crumpet! Uhh… It will never happen. If she steps into this house, there will be a murder! Yes…a murder.”

It appeared that his mother’s words had closed his mouth. He spoke with a stammering voice. “I am not going to marry anyone. Eii. Kulli… What are you looking at? Get on to the Loom platform.

He followed her and got onto the loom platform. He touched the tape with his eyes, prayed to God, and started the work. As his sister helped him in aligning the border, he started weaving. The tape started swinging elegantly from one side to another, and the silk in the fibre form was getting converted into a saree. While Rajam pressed the pedal alternatively, the loom generated a hissing sound. Followed it, the sound of wood planks hitting. Kulli did not talk about anything. Had his mother gotten tired? She will never get tired. Will she? Either he or she should die. Till then she would never stop her mouth.

He wondered how a mother could be like that. ‘It was said that beating one’s mother was a sin. But she has every right to behave in a way that the world did not approve for a mother. Is that right? Apart from giving birth to children like a pig, what else had she done’?

His father was a greedy man. He dreamt of becoming a rich man one day. He did not harp on the belief that he could become a rich man with step-by-step hard work. Normally people do test their luck on lottery tickets. Don’t they? Exactly like that, he tested his luck through children and got many of them. ‘This horoscope of the child was not in my favor. The next child will be born at the right auspicious time. Let us try next; he would be ready for the next child. He believed that any one of his children’s horoscopes would turn out to be the luckiest, and he would become a rich man with that horoscope. But his mother did not think that way. In return for gratitude for giving birth to all of them, she expected that all should take care of her. She expected the same not only from her boys. The condition of her girl children was no way better in this regard.

When he was five years old, they handed over the tape in his hands. To date—he is twenty-five now—the tape did not leave him. The condition of each of his brother and sister remained the same. Three of his sisters got married and escaped his mother. The last two sisters—Kulli was nine years old and Rajamani was thirteen years old—were assisting him in the loom. All four brothers were alone. They give money to their mother and are having meals two times in return. They did not face much trouble from his mother. He was the one who had gotten into that gutter. He could also have left her. Further, he could not get a suitable loom platform on rent. Earlier, the rent for the loom platform was two rupees. Now they were demanding seven rupees. Sometimes platforms were not available even for that rental. He had to pay off the debt borrowed for the marriage of his three sisters. He had to save something for the marriages of his remaining two sisters. His brothers were totally unconcerned about all these. But he could not remain unconcerned. Could he be? As he felt that staying with the mother would be economical, he preferred to stay with her.

Just because he was genuinely interested in taking up all the responsibilities on his shoulders, he was caught in this ignominious situation with his mother. Whatever he did, his mother would fight with him from the opposite direction. There was nothing objectionable with Pangajam. Weren’t they? Her parents were alive. Among four brothers, she was the only girl. She knew weaving too. She could do household errands too. Even though she was not looking as appealing as a movie actress, she looked very fine. Her parents were ready to give their daughter in marriage to him. They had a talk with his owner too. The owner ascertained their horoscopes. He only oversaw all the ‘marriage-related give and take’ with both the families.

In spite of all these eligibility criteria being fulfilled, she kept telling, “We don’t need this girl. You should not marry her. Isn’t it atrocious?” His mother was angry because he didn’t inform her in advance. If she had spoken, she could have gotten some fifty or hundred separately. Now she was angry that she could not get anything like that. But insulting Pangajam for that was in no way justifiable. Was it? Will she ever prosper in her life? Never. Pangajam was staying in the house just opposite to his house. But he had never lifted his head to have a glance at her? Hadn’t he? She also had never turned her face towards his direction. Hadn’t she? But this low-born woman is always abusing that chaste girl. Won’t the worms fill her mouth? She is such a worthless lady who was habituated to raising her hands to beat his father. Is she worthy enough to pass judgment about Pangajam?

The tape was running, competing with his thoughts. Amidst his perplexed mind, not a single thread of yarn had been cut off. As she understood what was going through his mind, Kulli was busy assisting him with the tape.

His owner was in favor of him. He had a good opinion about him. Had a belief. He used to call him for everything. Only with his help was he able to pay off his debt borrowed for his three sisters’ marriage. In addition, he was able to make arrangements such as a saree, chain, and thali.

He had kept all those jewels locked so as to avoid his mother’s attention. She had opened it like a thief. What sort of pigheadedness is this?

Along with a shiver, his anger added to the fuel. He heard his mother’s voice at that time. “ Kulli…Oii Kulli…et aav (come here)”

Caught in between her mother and her brother, little girl Kulli felt as if she were a two-headed ant.

She loved her brother also.

“Anna! Mother is calling me.” She stopped running the tape.

“Why is she calling while working?”

“Kaaikee (maybe for something)” 

“Just wait. You may leave after completing this one.”

But her mother’s voice came again, shriller than earlier. “ovfo varde kaanum fodarni“(“You stupid girl! Hasn’t my call fallen on deaf ears? Are you coming or not?”

Kulli was not ready to test her patience further. She left the tape, jumped out of the loom platform, and ran to her mother. 

Rajam’s anger crossed its limit. But there was an element of inertia sitting on his anger. He felt like sleeping by wrapping everything under him and wanted not to get up ever again. He had lost all his energy to fight back. All the nerves of his body seemed to be totally inactive. The fight for Sambar ended as a fight for marriage. It has not yet ended. Has it? Still, it is spreading its tentacles more.

He was calmly cleaning the threads, his head bent downwards. The kitchen was just ten feet away. He could hear his mother’s reproaches at Kulli.

“You deaf! Nothing I shouted fell into your ears. Didn’t it? Why the heck are you late?”

“Due to the noise around, I couldn’t hear.”

“From now onwards, you don’t have to go to the loom. New Street Chennapan has told me that he would give a hundred rupees. Fill your tummy with old rice and go there.”

Kuli could not tolerate that injustice. “One and three quarters of a yard of saree is still remaining in the brother’s loom. His owner has booked one saree urgently.”

“No one has asked you about all these. Get lost from here after eating the old rice.” She knocked Kulli's head with her knuckle sharply.

Rajam was listening to everything his mother was telling Kulli. He left the loom platform and came down.

“Eii lady! What are you telling”?

“I told her that the new Street Chennappan is ready to give a hundred rupees as an advance. So I asked her to go there.”

The boys and girls who could assist in aligning the borders in the loom were in great demand. Many weavers were ready to give fifty or a hundred as an advance to engage them in their loom. His mother knew about this.

“If I sent her there, how can I do my work here?”

“You appoint someone else. If at all you want Kulli to work for you, give me a hundred rupees as an advance.”

Rajam was able to understand her cunningness. She opened his box with an evil disposition? Hadn’t she? She had found one thali and a saree. One chain along with a hundred rupees too. Now she is hatching a plan to snatch away that hundred rupees from him.

“With my hard work, I have been taking care of you all three. Now Kuli will be working for some third person. Is that correct?

“You don’t have to work hard to look after us. Only if you give me a hundred rupees as an advance will Kulli be working for you. Rajamani is also getting older. I need to save something for her marriage. I need to buy a stud for her.”

As he was making preparations for his marriage, she also pretended as if she was too busy making arrangements for her daughter’s marriage. Rajamani was just thirteen years old. What is the urgency for her marriage now? Even if a prospective alliance comes for her, is it not his duty to take up everything on him?

‘Isn’t he the one who is undergoing all the troubles due to the debts borrowed for the marriage of his three sisters? What did she do? She is not asking for money to buy Rajamani a stud. Is she? She just has to snatch away the money from him. Further, she has to stop his marriage somehow and trouble him as much as she could so that he would not be able to concentrate on his work. This was her intention. Can anyone see such a mother with this bad intention? Can they? Monster! Such a monster’!

Till his father was alive, she was behaving like a mouse. After his death, she had become a fat rat. As all her boys and girls earned to feed her, the fat in her body had increased. Why wouldn’t it increase? Her body will not bend even a bit to assist in the loom. After getting the wages from him, she was making him do half of her work. Only the fat that had kept on accumulating on her body had made her talk like that; do things like that. Her impudence must be broken at any cost. When his father died, she was crying with a lamentation song for the sake of relatives. Now she has to cry and sing that lamentation song to reduce the fat from her body.

When he spoke out his words, there was not even a tinge of anger in it. “What is the urgency now for Rajamani’s marriage? Won’t I take care of everything?”

“I have seen many such persons who have done such things. Even before the marriage, you are walking upside down. What turn one might take after marriage, who knows?”

“You have the cash in the box. Your mind will not be at rest till you seize it from me. Isn’t it right?

“I am not begging you for anything. My daughter would work and pay you off. Wouldn’t she?”

“I won’t give it.” 

 “I am not forcing you, though. Kulli will be going to the New Street.”

“Here it is! Take everything. He took out the box’s keys from the nail it was hanging on the wall and threw them in to her. Putting on his shirt, he looked at him in the mirror, applied some talc on his face, and adjusted his trimmed hair. It appeared to him that the words from his mouth were falling rotten and reeking.

“Take that hundred rupees from the box. Get a saree. Wear the chain. Go…go…”

He felt that he did not have anything to talk to her about and felt as if all words had got depleted in him. Without talking about anything, he was standing there with his head bent down.

“Kaaidaa” (What, brother!), she came running to him.

“I borrowed five rupees from Rajamani. When she comes for food, give this one rupee along with that five rupees.”

“Why are you giving me seven rupees?”

“One rupee is for you. Eat what you like. Don’t show it to Mother.”

“Why this one rupee Anna?”

“Keep it with you…keep it.”

He kept on walking, telling this. His head was boiling. The chest was burning. He came out of the house restively. Walked towards the eastern direction. After crossing Mathappa market, he reached the eastern side of Kadalankudi street. He felt an unbearable grogginess in his body and felt as if someone was pushing his neck from behind. All the commotion had settled down except for only one noise. It was a barking sound of a dog. Now the dog is barking at him, chasing him to bite. He runs for safety with fear. O!...chee… How can a dog that came into my dream chase me? Will it bite me or what? What sort of insanity is this!

He kept walking.

Once he reached Mahamagam Pond, he stopped. People say if someone kills himself in this pond, he can reach paradise directly. Last month too, one old lady from his street drowned in this pond. Many people fall in that pond. Why not him? People will say it is just a dead body found in the water. He has seen such dead bodies. If I die in the pond, floating in the water like an air-pumped balloon, will my mother be able to identify it? Or will she be terrified of it? Will she cry? But he knew swimming. If he falls in the pond, he will not be able to kill himself that easily. At the end, it would become his trouble. 

He continued his walk. He was walking as if being chased by the fear of death. That rabid dog chased him again. It was not a real dog. Dream dog. But it came to bite him. Wasn’t enough? The rooster of the neighbour crowed hysterically. Being awake, he reached the railway station. The time was forty minutes past nine. One train would come at fifty minutes past nine. Right?

He was walking along the railway line. He would have walked two furlongs. He could see a train coming in front. He felt a sense of relief. “appaadaa.” He thought if he ran in front of the train, the train driver might stop the train. He stood on one side away from the line.

Once the train reached Arasalaru, the horn sound announced its arrival. He laughed. Before the train crossed that bridge with its chug sound, he was in such a hurry that he had fallen in front of the train a hundred times in his mind.

The engine passed him. The driver waved his hands at him and smiled. The heat of fire pinched him so sharply. The dog was barking. The rooster was crowing. His mother was yelling. Rajam took his front foot ready as if he was preparing himself for a running race. “Thuhrodi (You must die crying), he screamed and threw himself in between two bogies.

They gave the dead body only at about ten in the night. As it was not auspicious to take the body inside the house, they had kept it on the veranda on a chair. There was no such big loss for Rajam other than losing his life as the driver applied the brake as he suspected something amiss, which had caused a severe injury on the rear of his head. The hospital attendants had performed their duty perfectly. Hence, Rajam’s body was not looking that terrible. It was sitting like a bridegroom with a rose garland.

Could his mother sit there without crying? She cried so fervently. Not only the people from his street, but also others from many streets came to see him, shedding some drops of tears for him.

Pangajam was still sitting in the opposite house. As her parents had gone to the opposite house, she was in her house with her brothers.

“Hayya…tu jitho (Ei…girl! You have not gone there to see? Have you?” her brother asked her.

“What if seeing anyway? Crazy fellow! I must thank God, for he didn't commit such a thing after the marriage.” Pangajam covered her head also with the shawl.

Not only was it cold, but the nuisance of mosquitoes was also more in Kumbakonam.