Esther- by Vanna Nilavan

 

This is an English Translation of short story, “Esther” written by Vanna Nilavan. Translated from Tamil by Saravanan Karmegam.  

Finally, it was decided that Grandma and Isacc would be left behind. Why to risk taking grandma to a place where they were going in search of livelihood? Even if she is taken there, what can she do? Neither could she walk, nor hear anything. She would be able to see anyone standing near her only when the place around her has some light. Once upon a time, it was this grandma who reared up everyone in the family. One could remember how grandma tended to all grandchildren including Ruth who was born last. But all these now are not very charming excuses to take this useless grandma along with us to the places we go in search of livelihood.

It had been the nagging talk in the house for many days. Everyone voiced their opinion about it according to the level of their understanding of the matter while sitting in the veranda, or near the granary with that old stool by the west side window, or standing in the walking passage in the rear entrance and put forth their opinions when they assembled together to have meals. In the olden days the house used to be filled with happiness during the meal time. But now no one could eat rice as it was not available. The women folk in the house were making meals only with bajra and ragi. Along with meals with rice, the pleasant life also seemed to have disappeared. 

But it was too hasty a conclusion to arrive at now. Even now, major part of cooking in that house is still in the hands of Esther aunt. How tastily Esther aunt makes meals out of these refuse of bajra and ragi! What would have happened in this pathetic situation if Esther aunt hadn’t been here? The very thought of such a situation is damn dreadful.  Even Augustin, father of three girls and a boy, would have hanged himself from the palm tree beam in the cow shed by putting a noose around his neck with his Dhoti and died, if he had been put through such a situation.   

All three were married and living with their children. Augustin was the eldest. He was not a trustworthy chap in any task. He would fritter away his time lying idle on the veranda, and posing as if his mind was at peace. But, on the contrary, his mind would never be in peace as it always remained restless. David is his younger brother. Incidentally, both Augustin’s wife and David’s wife happened to have same names. The elder’s wife was called Elder Amalam and the younger’s wife was called Younger Amalam. Both the children of the younger brother were boys. Apart from this, Esther was none other than the cousin sister of their father, Mariya Das. Esther aunt came to their house some twelve years ago before Mariya Das died.  The short-lived gossip of villagers, that Esther came there due to her strained relationship with her husband, had almost become an unappealing story now. No one could say exactly what Ester aunt had given to everyone. Despite having beautiful wives, it was doubtful whether Augustin and David had showered the same affection towards their innocent wives which they showered on Esther Aunt.    

Esthar aunty was short. As it might be true that she remained self-restraint for a long time without the pleasure from a man, all parts of her body were well-toned, muscles tautened, and capable of arousing one’s passions. Her hard works in the woods could also be one of the reasons for it. She had thick dark curly hairs with some recently appeared grey strands running in it. She wasn’t accustomed with wearing of brazier and it had actually made her bosoms look more beautiful. 

Aunt would always be extremely busy with her work. The hem of her sari would always be kept tied in her waist just above her anklet, and thus leaving the soft hair on her legs visible. Little she knew of any tricks nor boorish attitude required for running an efficient household. Despite that downside, no one would raise their voice against her. It was indeed a mammoth task to maintain such a big family efficiently after Mariya Das. Wasn’t it? The men in the family might calculate accurately how much quantity of seeds would be required to be sown in how many acres of land. But when it came to house hold chores and labour in the woods, it was she who took care of everything without causing delay. Actually, getting the works done from the labourers involves some harsh tricks. But aunt wasn’t aware of all such tricks.

Be it sowing season, or the time of irrigating the crops, or morning or afternoon or evening, she would go the woods only once after completing all her house hold chores. Funnily, it would look like as if she had gone to visit her native town. But, all the assignments would be completed as if they were under the spell of some super natural power. If she went to the woods in the evening, others would ensure that the works were completed with sincerity before her arrival, without giving her a space for finding faults in them. The whole house was working for her. All the servants and even the villagers were working upon her words. 

Those two women seemed to have been some rare breed of sort.  The elder one was born as a first girl in a big family. Be it her days she had spent in the school, or those six or seven years she had stayed at her home after attaining puberty well before completing her fifth class in the village school or even after becoming the wife of Augustin, the elder one, and giving birth to three girls and a boy, one could easily count the words she actually spoke. It was doubtful whether she would have spoken at least a few hundred words in the last twenty eight years of her age. The Elder Amalam was such an innocent creature. Esther was her aunt in one way, and elder sister, while looking at her relationship with her another way. One could say that running petty errands for Esther without making any complaints and washing the cloths of children and husband in the canal with soap, drying it out, folding it meticulously were the only principal tasks she had in her life. She was a woman who neither had a desire to establish anything for herself nor aware of her legitimate stand to demand things from others. 

The younger Amalam was just opposite to her in character. She was so choosy that she would expect even her inner skirts to be woven with lace knitting and her braziers embroidered with different designs.  Even though she came from a family less well-to-do than the elder one, she had an ever growing demands for outer embellishments after coming to that house. Everyone in the house used to sleep on the floor. There was a boarded enclosure of upper room, built lower as per the requirement of that house thatched with palm leaves. The floor was made of mud. She used to prefer to go to the upper enclosure to sleep with her husband, climbing the bamboo ladder which would screech with her weight, after making her children sleep on the floor.  When the grandma was active with her clear vision, she used to admonish the younger one a whore. She loved to chit-chat with unfamiliar men other than her husband, but never went astray under any circumstances. 

What would be left in the village thereafter? After finishing off the stubble in Sathan Kovil and raised land with the grazing cattle, nothing would be left out there. The people from neighbouring houses had already left the village. Isacc told them yesterday that there was not a single person in the west street. Even though it was a tiny village, there were two shops. Now, as there was no business, those two shops were also closed. Only one match box was there in the house. A handful of finger millet available would be enough to sustain only for a couple of days. Along with it, was there some pearl millet. But for how many days one could feed himself with the help of only one match box?   

Yesterday, David couldn’t hide the sound of match stick when he lighted his beedi without knowing the presence of Esther aunt. In order to avoid its sound, he struck it very slowly against the match box. Esther aunt was standing in the cow shed at that time. As he struck it with an extraordinary precaution than usual, the sound of the match stick was heard thinly. Despite his earnest efforts, it fell into Esther’s ears. She, at once, stopped feeding the cattle, came running to him, totally clutched up. David was lighting his beedi as the flames from the stove crackling, popping on his face. 

He would have been at peace had she enquired him or spoken something admonishingly to him. He too felt as if there was nothing to speak. They stood, staring at each other’s face for some time. They looked at each other without uttering anything. It seemed more terrible than speaking. Importantly, it tortured David immensely. Where had the compassion and affection that remained with Esther gone at that time? Due to this demeaning act, he had degraded himself who had been, till then, been very dear to his aunt’s respect and love. Being unable to smoke his beedi completely, he threw it out through the window. 

Only some porridge was kept ready for that night. The water required for making gruel and other house hold works was getting scarce gradually. No matter how important the works they were doing, both Esther and Isacc would have to run to the railway station on arrival of any train. She would have to beg the loco pilot for water. In the pretext of talking to Esther, the loco pilots would finally open the water pipe after a brief chit-chat with Esther Aunt. When the village was fully populated, there would be a cut throat competition to get water from the train. It was a blessing in disguise that the competition was now among only four or five villagers after everyone had left the village.   

That night, everyone slept with their incomplete meals. The younger Amalam had gone to the upper boarded room long ago, slept there. David was sitting on the veranda for a long time. Esther aunt called him out many times to have his dinner. After serving dinner to everyone she came to him, caught hold of his hirsute hands, lifted him and made him sit, led him to the kitchen, and made him sit in front of the plate. He was sitting with his head looking down, not showing interest on food. Esther lifted his jaw with her fingers, and told him, “Eat now…I know everything about your anger”. David leaned on her broad shoulder, almost pressing her breasts and buried his face. Esther put her hands around his back, assuaged him. Davis was weeping mildly. On seeing him weeping, Esther also wept. Both of them needed that state of mind and weep. An unusual compassion and love, not experienced till now, sprang up between them, on each other. There was a logic behind why David had wept. But why did Esther cry? Did she cry as she felt sorry for her rude behaviour towards David? The truth must be revealed any way. Actually, Esther remembered her husband Lawrence. Lawrence and his memories in her life had almost become an age old story for everyone. No one remembered even Lawrence’s face. Everything associated with him had been erased one and all and hence nothing was so important than it for both of them at that time. 

David slept peacefully that night in the upper cabin. But Esthar aunt didn’t sleep. She didn’t even clean the bronze plate in which David had had his food. Sitting outside, she kept thinking about her past. After that, she fell asleep sometimes later. 

What is there in the railway tracks? Ever since she came to that house as the first daughter in law, she had been watching the railway tracks whenever she found leisure time, sitting at the rear entrance of the house. The railway tracks remained there. No change. It never brought in her any new information. Sometimes a flock of goats used to cross the railway track. She liked to watch goats crossing the tracks more than the short sized sheep crossing it. Both of them belonged to the category of goats anyway. There was a flock of goats at her house. Perhaps, this could have been the reason why she had liked goats more. Now the expectations grew up to see such a flock of goats crossing the railway tracks. But there was no flock of goats in the village now. Was there? All the houses which once housed the flocks of goats lay empty now.   

Watching the railway track that lay stretched idle in front of her caused her immense pain in the heart. Instead of facing that pain, it was better for her to keep herself indoor. As the school was closed, all the children were playing in the veranda with the grandma. She could spend some time there, but wasn’t interested in it. In a way it could be said that she loved to experience such an intolerable pain for herself. It seemed that subjecting her heart experience such a pain, gave her a strange pleasure. 

The cow shed in the front was empty without any cows. It was indeed unfortunate that the cows needed to be reared up even amidst these miserable situations. We couldn’t abandon those innocent creatures which had been toiling for our sake till now. Isacc had taken them to Sathan Kovil field, where even water wouldn’t be available, to graze the dried grass and crops. It was extremely difficult to imagine what would have happened to those cows if Isacc hadn’t been there around. 

Now they are insisting to leave Isacc and mother in law behind in the village. How could that be possible? 

Her mother in law never shared anything with her much. Perhaps, even elder Amalam could also be one of the reasons for it. She herself didn’t talk much with anyone. She had a very high regards for her mother in law. One must say that it was her mother who had taught her this. Ever since her childhood days, she had watched her mother treating her father’s mother alias her grandma, Alice Grandma, with deep respects. So many memorable events. She had a first-hand experience of everything about the serene peace and conversations filled with love, shared between her mother and grandma without any sign of differences and whine. All those memories were still fresh in her mind as if they all had happened just a day ago or day before yesterday. 

Whenever the grandma fell sick, most of the mother’s prayers would be full of her pleas that grandma must get rid of the sickness. Mother was an uneducated woman. Mother’s prayer was capable of bringing more peace in anyone’s mind the more it was listened to repeatedly. We weren’t aware who had taught her that kind of prayer. It seemed that she had learnt it on her own by applying her own logics. It was full of small words. Mostly familiar words used in day to day life. Mother wouldn’t pray every day. Everyone would eagerly wait for the time of her prayer. “It is a prayer of an illiterate woman. That is why she doesn’t know how to perform a fake prayer” uncle used to say very often.                  

Mother took enough care of mother in law. Elder Amalam learnt this from her mother. She had a great desire that she should also love everyone in the family like her mother. A tall man who was said to be in love with Amalam was living in that village. There was a canal which formed the boundary of the village in her village, running east to west. Even beyond the canal, up to the motorable road lying ahead, the ground was full of thickly grown thorny bushes. It wasn’t known why the village didn’t extend further beyond the canal. It seemed that no one liked the village boundary go beyond the canal up to the road. Every street started from the canal and ended in there itself. The name of the street where Amalam was residing was known as Kovil Street (Temple Street), the street full of dry, dusty earth. To the north of Amalam’s house, was there a house in blue colour, its walls painted in light blue. It was where the man who Amalam loved and liked to chat, was living. The love Amalam had for that man was not just for the sake of chatting with him. He used to come here too at times. No one could say why he came there. Whenever he came, he never sat there even for once. There was no tangible reason either why he used to be in a hurry to run away from there immediately after his coming there. Did Amalam know about it? After coming from such a distance, he would go back immediately without showing interest to sit there for some time. Wouldn’t he? Who would know about all these? Didn’t Amalam know about it?  

What could have been the troubles for such a soft-hearted woman in that house where everything she needed were present? Without mingling with anyone in the house, what was she searching for? Her likes and sorrows which she never shared with anyone were pretty strange. Weren’t they? Both her husband and even her brother in law, David couldn’t understand her heart. 

The time was up for Isacc to return from the woods. Now, Isacc didn’t have any work in the forest. Since it was only Esther who, somehow, figured out that the world of Isacc was nothing but the forest, she had been sending him to that already hot and dried up woods. It seemed that Isacc would die if he didn’t see the forest. All his talk would always be about forests. Now the forest was fast disappearing. The yield of crops, the tinkling sound of bells hanging around the neck of bulls engaged in rope and bucket wells all disappeared steadily just in front of eyes. 

The forest which once served as the need of everyone in the village, had nothing in it now. A sort of white coloured sun light was falling in the fields, Isacc said. Isacc knew about the different colours of summer. If he said that the light was yellow and there would be rain tomorrow, it would rain for sure. There was nothing he didn’t know about the colours of seasons, be it the colour of sun light during summer or the colour of sun light during monsoons. Isacc was living in this world just for the sake of crops growing in the fields and cattle. But all the agriculture lands which were very dear to Isacc were slowly disappearing. As a final call, when he went to the field to destroy the already dried up crop by grazing, he went there even without taking porridge. Didn’t he? He cried so much that day. He was no way responsible for anything that were happening around him, though. Esther sent him to the field to destruct the crops which had already died in scorching summer without water. He would lose nothing in destructing the dead crops. Would he? Even then, he cried a lot. That too, when the land didn’t belong to him. 

Who was pouring out such an amount of fire from above? Who had made the day longer till seven in the night when there was no water to drink and essential food items to eat? Even the wind had also found its place to hide itself. The day had excessively scorching with light and the night was thickly dense with darkness, making one unduly suffocated. 

One day night Esther aunty told, when everyone was sitting in front of the lantern light. “This kind of pitch darkness shouldn’t be there. I am confused at why it is getting this much dark. It is not for good, I know. Fortunately, the children had already slept here and there by the time Esther aunty told this. Only the baby of younger Amalam was awake waiting for milk. Those children who couldn’t understand what Esther aunty had told were actually lucky. This, too, happened some months ago. 

As the days passed, the pitch darkness during night grew darker day-by-day.  Even during the moonlit days, that worst darkness hadn’t waned. Of late, the absence of human activity in the village had aggravated the darkness. If people were at home, some amount of light from the houses would fall on the street, no matter the houses were kept opened or closed. Even if it was a new moon night, the chit chats, sundry sounds and movement of persons would drive away the darkness. Hence, getting rid of darkness was indeed a petty matter anyway. It was not the lamp posts installed at the Village Panjayat office or the moon light appearing once in fortnight that drove away the darkness; it was the sounds of chit chats and the movement of people that did it. Even if all the houses delved into darkness without any lamps, an inconsequential information that some men were at home was more than enough to drive away the darkness. The darkness never remained a matter of concern for the Esther’s family till now. But, the misery brought in by the darkness was as unbearable as the scorching sun light now.   

The scorching sun was sultry and irritating. The sun light increased the miseries of the day time. On the other hand, darkness, even though it didn’t irritate like sun light, it was horrible in different way. It was nothing but fear. It was not fear which could afflict children at the very sight of darkness. It stood just outside the entrance of the houses intimidating everyone, making them sleepless and reminding every time that there was no one left in the village. 

This darkness, a black material anyway, remained lifeless during these many years. It was strange that it had become alive now. It was standing outside Esther’s house, mumbling something. What was it telling? It, such a dark one, without even having a face, could instil fear in everyone. Truly speaking, the darkness too behaved in that manner. It might not have been able to communicate clearly. But it mumbled. The elders in home could hear its murmur. More importantly, Esther, who was brilliant and authoritative, could listen to its murmur clearly. Even the brave Esther got frightened by what the darkness had told her. It was certain that they wouldn’t be able to escape. What were those words of darkness? Though the roof of the house was made of palm leaves, its walls were built with burnt bricks, plastered with lime. They were strong walls.  Strong enough that darkness couldn’t pierce through them. Would it be able to break open these trusted walls? Esther aunty was frightened. What the darkness had told her was damn dreadful. 

‘Is there any way other than, you along with your dearest ones, abandoning this village? Are you all going to die here waiting for the rain to come?’ This was what the darkness had whispered to Esther aunt. It kept on murmuring the same words every day. A murmur- stubborn and firm. 

Grandma’s eye lids grew wet with tears. After everyone slept, Esther would come with a lighted lantern frequently to see her. In that light, she could see an unshakable belief behind those tears. It was really amazing to see such a hope in those eyes which had been watching everything these many years. The eyes wouldn’t get old. Would they? Would there be any means other than leaving her behind who was still holding an indomitable hope in her eyes, sleeplessly, staring at the roof. Would Isacc take care of her? Even to give him something, there was nothing left. Though he worked in that house without any expectations, it was a matter of prestige for the people who were managing the affairs of the house. 

There was nothing in the ceiling to stare at. Was there? Just like Isacc who knew about the growth of crops living with them, Grandma also knew about the palm leaves in the roof, withering steadily due to sun light, rain and wind that had made it weak and old. Grandma knew when and where those leaves had started yellowing. 

That night, everyone assembled once again. Only a handful of finger millet was available. It was surprising to know that a small amount of curry leaves and cooking oil were also available at home. Esther had prepared a pasty pudding with finger millet flour. 

No difficulty in making fire. Isacc had already brought some dried twigs and kept them ready. They were guarding the embers under ash alive ever since the very first day they lighted the fire. Had Isacc not brought those dried sticks from the forest regularly, they wouldn’t have been able to keep the fire alive. Without fire nothing would happen. Would it? 

How could we leave such a loyal servant behind? He was the one who safe guarded the crops; looked after the cattle; even in rains and sweltering discomfort he remained happy with a simple rope cot. Just for the sake of grandma, could we leave him behind to die? She only reared him up, fed him. She only brought him up, watching hairs coming up in his chest and tender moustache growing. How many days, during several nights, without making noise, she had come near to his rope cot and watched him sleeping. What was there in Isacc? Other than his body covered with the rough skin blackened by sun rays due to roaming in the forest, he had possessed nothing. Had he? Ever since he was young boy till today, she had seen him fully nude many times when he used to change his stinking khaki trousers, standing at the cow shed in the rear entrance of the house. Apart from this, an odd countenance stood concealed in his eyes that were bereft of moisture. It was not the one while looking at goats and cows and not the one that used to shine in his eyes while walking through the matured crops either. His eyes emitted a completely different light in all aspects while looking at Esther. 

Esther served the food, an insufficient amount for everyone, on their plates. It wasn’t sufficient even for children. Younger Amalam looked visibly annoyed. It was her nature anyway.  

“Both of you go to your homes. Take your children along with you” she told them, looking at elder Amalam and younger Amalam. Esther aunty’s voice sounded so firm that others should not oppose what she said. They, too, didn’t reply.    

“Both of you come along with me. Let’s go to Madurai and do some masonry works. Let’s look after our livelihood somewhere till rain comes.  Isaac can also come along us”. 

For this too, both Augustin and David said nothing. After a while, only David started speaking. He spoke as he was sucking each of his fingers, caked with the pasty pudding, one after the other. 

“Is grandma accompanying?” 

Esther stared at him sharply, and then turned her eyes towards the back entrance. Esther didn’t reply to David’s question after that. Even while she retired herself to sleep, she didn’t bother giving him any reply. That day night, for more than an hour, a dry wind started blowing across. Esther, who was sleeping near the children, got up, went to grandma and lay beside her. 

Even in the morning, the dry wind was still blowing. If it got cold, rain would come. But it would not get cooled down. It appeared that the wind didn’t like to get cooled down. Those two bony bulls standing there, were heaving sigh often. 

Those who were rolling on their bed half sleep could have heard it clearly. The sigh of those bulls wouldn’t be heard anymore. By somehow infusing their unbearable misery into their breath, those bulls were heaving a sigh. At least that dry wind could have blown less harsh. The wind which was just throwing swelter needed no such speed. Wasn’t it?  It must have originated from the dry land lying in the western side of the forest. The wind carried the smell of dried dung cakes of cows and goats found in the forest. It was only in the western forest, a greater number of flocks of cattle had settled recently. 

…..

Isacc brought an old coffin, bought for a paltry sum from a nearby village Kurumbur, carrying it on his head to take the grandma’s body to the burial ground. It had become evening by then. The priest from the temple from Palayam Chettikulam had come as the pastor was not present in the village. Esther spent a considerable amount of money from her savings, which she had kept for her departure from the village, on account of funeral expenses of grandma. 

No one cried. Their disturbed faces evinced that they were frightened. The burial ground was not afar. It was located nearby. Only those from the two houses from Temple Street and Nadar Street came, stayed for a while and then left. Evading one’s responsibility of participating in the grief of others is not easy. Is it? 

Only Esther kept on remembering very often, the wet eyes of grandma that used to be fixed on the roof. She didn’t forget those eyes for a very long time. 

                                                             ***Ended***