This is an English Translation of short story,
“Esther” written by Vanna Nilavan. Translated from Tamil by Saravanan Karmegam.
Finally, it was decided that Grandma and Isacc
would be left behind. Why to risk taking grandma to a place where they were going
in search of livelihood? Even if she is taken there, what can she do? Neither
could she walk, nor hear anything. She would be able to see anyone standing
near her only when the place around her has some light. Once upon a time, it was
this grandma who reared up everyone in the family. One could remember how
grandma tended to all grandchildren including Ruth who was born last. But all
these now are not very charming excuses to take this useless grandma along with us to the places
we go in search of livelihood.
It had been the nagging talk in the house for
many days. Everyone voiced their opinion about it according to the level of their
understanding of the matter while sitting in the veranda, or near
the granary with that old stool by the west side window, or standing in
the walking passage in the rear entrance and put forth their
opinions when they assembled together to have meals. In the olden days the
house used to be filled with happiness during the meal time. But
now no one could eat rice as it was not available. The women folk in the house
were making meals only with bajra and ragi.
Along with meals with rice, the pleasant life also seemed to have disappeared.
But it was too hasty a conclusion to arrive at now. Even now, major part of cooking in that house is still in the hands of
Esther aunt. How tastily Esther aunt makes meals out of these refuse of bajra
and ragi! What would have happened in this pathetic situation if Esther
aunt hadn’t been here? The very thought of such a situation is damn
dreadful. Even Augustin, father of three girls and a boy, would have
hanged himself from the palm tree beam in the cow shed by putting a noose around
his neck with his Dhoti and died, if he had been put through such a situation.
All three were married and living with their
children. Augustin was the eldest. He was not a trustworthy chap in any task. He
would fritter away his time lying idle on the veranda, and posing as if his
mind was at peace. But, on the contrary, his mind would never be in peace as it always remained restless. David is his younger brother. Incidentally,
both Augustin’s wife and David’s wife happened to have same names. The elder’s
wife was called Elder Amalam and the younger’s wife was called Younger
Amalam. Both the children of the younger brother were boys. Apart from
this, Esther was none other than the cousin sister of their father, Mariya Das.
Esther aunt came to their house some twelve years ago before Mariya Das
died. The short-lived gossip of villagers, that Esther came there due
to her strained relationship with her husband, had almost become an unappealing
story now. No one could say exactly what Ester aunt had given to everyone.
Despite having beautiful wives, it was doubtful whether Augustin and David had showered the same affection towards their innocent wives which they showered on Esther Aunt.
Esthar aunty was short. As it might be true that
she remained self-restraint for a long time without the pleasure from a man,
all parts of her body were well-toned, muscles tautened, and capable of
arousing one’s passions. Her hard works in the woods could also be one of the
reasons for it. She had thick dark curly hairs with some recently appeared grey
strands running in it. She wasn’t accustomed with wearing of brazier and it had
actually made her bosoms look more beautiful.
Aunt would always be extremely busy with her work.
The hem of her sari would always be kept tied in her waist just above her
anklet, and thus leaving the soft hair on her legs visible. Little she knew of
any tricks nor boorish attitude required for running an efficient household. Despite
that downside, no one would raise their voice against her. It was indeed a
mammoth task to maintain such a big family efficiently after Mariya Das. Wasn’t
it? The men in the family might calculate accurately how much quantity of seeds
would be required to be sown in how many acres of land. But when it came to
house hold chores and labour in the woods, it was she who took care of
everything without causing delay. Actually, getting the works done from the
labourers involves some harsh tricks. But aunt wasn’t aware of all such tricks.
Be it sowing season, or the time of irrigating the
crops, or morning or afternoon or evening, she would go the woods only once
after completing all her house hold chores. Funnily, it would look like as if
she had gone to visit her native town. But, all the assignments would be
completed as if they were under the spell of some super natural power. If she
went to the woods in the evening, others would ensure that the works were
completed with sincerity before her arrival, without giving her a space for
finding faults in them. The whole house was working for her. All the servants
and even the villagers were working upon her words.
Those two women seemed to have been some rare breed
of sort. The elder one was born as a first girl in a big family. Be
it her days she had spent in the school, or those six or seven years she had
stayed at her home after attaining puberty well before completing her fifth
class in the village school or even after becoming the wife of Augustin, the
elder one, and giving birth to three girls and a boy, one could easily count
the words she actually spoke. It was doubtful whether she would have spoken at
least a few hundred words in the last twenty eight years of her age. The Elder
Amalam was such an innocent creature. Esther was her aunt in one way, and elder
sister, while looking at her relationship with her another way. One could
say that running petty errands for Esther without making any complaints and
washing the cloths of children and husband in the canal with soap, drying it
out, folding it meticulously were the only principal tasks she had in her life.
She was a woman who neither had a desire to establish anything for herself nor
aware of her legitimate stand to demand things from others.
The younger Amalam was just opposite to her in character. She was so choosy that she would expect even her inner skirts to be woven with lace knitting
and her braziers embroidered with different designs. Even though she
came from a family less well-to-do than the elder one, she had an ever growing demands for outer embellishments after coming to that house. Everyone in the house
used to sleep on the floor. There was a boarded enclosure of upper room, built
lower as per the requirement of that house thatched with palm leaves. The floor
was made of mud. She used to prefer to go to the upper enclosure to sleep with
her husband, climbing the bamboo ladder which would screech with her weight,
after making her children sleep on the floor. When the grandma was
active with her clear vision, she used to admonish the younger one a whore.
She loved to chit-chat with unfamiliar men other than her husband, but never
went astray under any circumstances.
What would be left in the village thereafter? After
finishing off the stubble in Sathan Kovil and raised land with the grazing cattle, nothing
would be left out there. The people from neighbouring houses had already left
the village. Isacc told them yesterday that there was not a single person in
the west street. Even though it was a tiny village, there were two shops. Now,
as there was no business, those two shops were also closed. Only one match box
was there in the house. A handful of finger millet available would be enough to
sustain only for a couple of days. Along with it, was there some pearl millet.
But for how many days one could feed himself with the help of only one match
box?
Yesterday, David couldn’t hide the sound of match
stick when he lighted his beedi without knowing the presence of Esther
aunt. In order to avoid its sound, he struck it very slowly against the match
box. Esther aunt was standing in the cow shed at that time. As he struck it
with an extraordinary precaution than usual, the sound of the match stick was
heard thinly. Despite his earnest efforts, it fell into Esther’s ears. She, at
once, stopped feeding the cattle, came running to him, totally clutched up.
David was lighting his beedi as the flames from the stove crackling, popping on
his face.
He would have been at peace had she enquired him or
spoken something admonishingly to him. He too felt as if there was nothing to
speak. They stood, staring at each other’s face for some time. They looked at
each other without uttering anything. It seemed more terrible than speaking.
Importantly, it tortured David immensely. Where had the compassion and affection
that remained with Esther gone at that time? Due to this demeaning act, he had
degraded himself who had been, till then, been very dear to his aunt’s respect
and love. Being unable to smoke his beedi completely, he threw it
out through the window.
Only some porridge was kept ready for that night.
The water required for making gruel and other house hold works was getting
scarce gradually. No matter how important the works they were doing, both
Esther and Isacc would have to run to the railway station on arrival of any
train. She would have to beg the loco pilot for water. In the pretext of
talking to Esther, the loco pilots would finally open the water pipe after a
brief chit-chat with Esther Aunt. When the village was fully populated, there
would be a cut throat competition to get water from the train. It was a
blessing in disguise that the competition was now among only four or five
villagers after everyone had left the village.
That night, everyone slept with their incomplete
meals. The younger Amalam had gone to the upper boarded room long ago, slept
there. David was sitting on the veranda for a long time. Esther aunt called him
out many times to have his dinner. After serving dinner to everyone she came to
him, caught hold of his hirsute hands, lifted him and made him sit, led him to
the kitchen, and made him sit in front of the plate. He was sitting with his
head looking down, not showing interest on food. Esther lifted his jaw with her
fingers, and told him, “Eat now…I know everything about your anger”. David
leaned on her broad shoulder, almost pressing her breasts and buried his face.
Esther put her hands around his back, assuaged him. Davis was weeping mildly.
On seeing him weeping, Esther also wept. Both of them needed that state of mind
and weep. An unusual compassion and love, not experienced till now, sprang up
between them, on each other. There was a logic behind why David had wept. But
why did Esther cry? Did she cry as she felt sorry for her rude behaviour
towards David? The truth must be revealed any way. Actually, Esther remembered
her husband Lawrence. Lawrence and his memories in her life had almost become
an age old story for everyone. No one remembered even Lawrence’s face.
Everything associated with him had been erased one and all and hence nothing
was so important than it for both of them at that time.
David slept peacefully that night in the upper
cabin. But Esthar aunt didn’t sleep. She didn’t even clean the bronze plate in
which David had had his food. Sitting outside, she kept thinking about her
past. After that, she fell asleep sometimes later.
What is there in the railway tracks? Ever since she
came to that house as the first daughter in law, she had been watching the
railway tracks whenever she found leisure time, sitting at the rear entrance of
the house. The railway tracks remained there. No change. It never brought in
her any new information. Sometimes a flock of goats used to cross the railway
track. She liked to watch goats crossing the tracks more than the short sized
sheep crossing it. Both of them belonged to the category of goats anyway. There
was a flock of goats at her house. Perhaps, this could have been the reason why
she had liked goats more. Now the expectations grew up to see such a flock of
goats crossing the railway tracks. But there was no flock of goats in the
village now. Was there? All the houses which once housed the flocks of goats
lay empty now.
Watching the railway track that lay stretched idle
in front of her caused her immense pain in the heart. Instead of facing that
pain, it was better for her to keep herself indoor. As the school was closed,
all the children were playing in the veranda with the grandma. She could spend
some time there, but wasn’t interested in it. In a way it could be said that
she loved to experience such an intolerable pain for herself. It seemed that
subjecting her heart experience such a pain, gave her a strange pleasure.
The cow shed in the front was empty without any
cows. It was indeed unfortunate that the cows needed to be reared up even
amidst these miserable situations. We couldn’t abandon those innocent creatures
which had been toiling for our sake till now. Isacc had taken them to Sathan
Kovil field, where even water wouldn’t be available, to graze the dried grass
and crops. It was extremely difficult to imagine what would have happened to
those cows if Isacc hadn’t been there around.
Now they are insisting to leave Isacc and mother in
law behind in the village. How could that be possible?
Her mother in law never shared anything with her
much. Perhaps, even elder Amalam could also be one of the reasons for it. She
herself didn’t talk much with anyone. She had a very high regards for her
mother in law. One must say that it was her mother who had taught her this. Ever
since her childhood days, she had watched her mother treating her father’s
mother alias her grandma, Alice Grandma, with deep respects. So many memorable
events. She had a first-hand experience of everything about the serene peace
and conversations filled with love, shared between her mother and grandma
without any sign of differences and whine. All those memories were still
fresh in her mind as if they all had happened just a day ago or day before
yesterday.
Whenever the grandma fell sick, most of the
mother’s prayers would be full of her pleas that grandma must get rid of the
sickness. Mother was an uneducated woman. Mother’s prayer was capable of
bringing more peace in anyone’s mind the more it was listened to repeatedly. We
weren’t aware who had taught her that kind of prayer. It seemed that she had
learnt it on her own by applying her own logics. It was full of small words.
Mostly familiar words used in day to day life. Mother wouldn’t pray every day.
Everyone would eagerly wait for the time of her prayer. “It is a prayer of an
illiterate woman. That is why she doesn’t know how to perform a fake prayer”
uncle used to say very
often.
Mother took enough care of mother in law. Elder
Amalam learnt this from her mother. She had a great desire that she should also
love everyone in the family like her mother. A tall man who was said to be in
love with Amalam was living in that village. There was a canal which formed the
boundary of the village in her village, running east to west. Even beyond the
canal, up to the motorable road lying ahead, the ground was full of thickly
grown thorny bushes. It wasn’t known why the village didn’t extend further
beyond the canal. It seemed that no one liked the village boundary go beyond
the canal up to the road. Every street started from the canal and ended in there
itself. The name of the street where Amalam was residing was known as Kovil
Street (Temple Street), the street full of dry, dusty earth. To the north of
Amalam’s house, was there a house in blue colour, its walls painted in light
blue. It was where the man who Amalam loved and liked to chat, was living. The
love Amalam had for that man was not just for the sake of chatting with him. He
used to come here too at times. No one could say why he came there. Whenever he
came, he never sat there even for once. There was no tangible reason either why
he used to be in a hurry to run away from there immediately after his coming there.
Did Amalam know about it? After coming from such a distance, he would go back
immediately without showing interest to sit there for some time. Wouldn’t he?
Who would know about all these? Didn’t Amalam know about it?
What could have been the troubles for such a
soft-hearted woman in that house where everything she needed were present?
Without mingling with anyone in the house, what was she searching for? Her
likes and sorrows which she never shared with anyone were pretty strange.
Weren’t they? Both her husband and even her brother in law, David couldn’t
understand her heart.
The time was up for Isacc to return from the woods.
Now, Isacc didn’t have any work in the forest. Since it was only Esther who,
somehow, figured out that the world of Isacc was nothing but the forest, she
had been sending him to that already hot and dried up woods. It seemed that
Isacc would die if he didn’t see the forest. All his talk would always be about
forests. Now the forest was fast disappearing. The yield of crops, the tinkling
sound of bells hanging around the neck of bulls engaged in rope and bucket
wells all disappeared steadily just in front of eyes.
The forest which once served as the need of
everyone in the village, had nothing in it now. A sort of white coloured sun
light was falling in the fields, Isacc said. Isacc knew about the different
colours of summer. If he said that the light was yellow and there would be rain
tomorrow, it would rain for sure. There was nothing he didn’t know about the
colours of seasons, be it the colour of sun light during summer or the colour
of sun light during monsoons. Isacc was living in this world just for the sake
of crops growing in the fields and cattle. But all the agriculture lands which
were very dear to Isacc were slowly disappearing. As a final call, when he went
to the field to destroy the already dried up crop by grazing, he went there
even without taking porridge. Didn’t he? He cried so much that day. He was no
way responsible for anything that were happening around him, though. Esther sent
him to the field to destruct the crops which had already died in scorching
summer without water. He would lose nothing in destructing the dead crops.
Would he? Even then, he cried a lot. That too, when the land didn’t belong to
him.
Who was pouring out such an amount of fire from
above? Who had made the day longer till seven in the night when there was no
water to drink and essential food items to eat? Even the wind had also found
its place to hide itself. The day had excessively scorching with light and the
night was thickly dense with darkness, making one unduly suffocated.
One day night Esther aunty told, when everyone was
sitting in front of the lantern light. “This kind of pitch darkness shouldn’t
be there. I am confused at why it is getting this much dark. It is not for
good, I know. Fortunately, the children had already slept here and there by the
time Esther aunty told this. Only the baby of younger Amalam was awake waiting
for milk. Those children who couldn’t understand what Esther aunty had told
were actually lucky. This, too, happened some months ago.
As the days passed, the pitch darkness during night
grew darker day-by-day. Even during the moonlit days,
that worst darkness hadn’t waned. Of late, the absence of human
activity in the village had aggravated the darkness. If people were at home,
some amount of light from the houses would fall on the street, no matter the
houses were kept opened or closed. Even if it was a new moon night, the chit
chats, sundry sounds and movement of persons would drive away the darkness.
Hence, getting rid of darkness was indeed a petty matter anyway. It was
not the lamp posts installed at the Village Panjayat office or the moon light
appearing once in fortnight that drove away the darkness; it was the sounds of
chit chats and the movement of people that did it. Even if all the houses
delved into darkness without any lamps, an inconsequential information that
some men were at home was more than enough to drive away the darkness. The
darkness never remained a matter of concern for the Esther’s family till now.
But, the misery brought in by the darkness was as unbearable as the scorching
sun light now.
The scorching sun was sultry and irritating. The
sun light increased the miseries of the day time. On the other hand, darkness,
even though it didn’t irritate like sun light, it was horrible in different
way. It was nothing but fear. It was not fear which could afflict children at
the very sight of darkness. It stood just outside the entrance of the houses
intimidating everyone, making them sleepless and reminding every time that
there was no one left in the village.
This darkness, a black material anyway, remained
lifeless during these many years. It was strange that it had become alive now.
It was standing outside Esther’s house, mumbling something. What was it
telling? It, such a dark one, without even having a face, could instil fear in
everyone. Truly speaking, the darkness too behaved in that manner. It might not
have been able to communicate clearly. But it mumbled. The elders in home could
hear its murmur. More importantly, Esther, who was brilliant and authoritative,
could listen to its murmur clearly. Even the brave Esther got frightened by
what the darkness had told her. It was certain that they wouldn’t be able to
escape. What were those words of darkness? Though the roof of the house was
made of palm leaves, its walls were built with burnt bricks, plastered with
lime. They were strong walls. Strong enough that darkness couldn’t
pierce through them. Would it be able to break open these trusted walls? Esther
aunty was frightened. What the darkness had told her was damn dreadful.
‘Is there any way other than, you along with your
dearest ones, abandoning this village? Are you all going to die here waiting for
the rain to come?’ This was what the darkness had whispered to Esther aunt. It
kept on murmuring the same words every day. A murmur- stubborn and firm.
Grandma’s eye lids grew wet with tears. After
everyone slept, Esther would come with a lighted lantern frequently to see her.
In that light, she could see an unshakable belief behind those tears. It was
really amazing to see such a hope in those eyes which had been watching
everything these many years. The eyes wouldn’t get old. Would they? Would there
be any means other than leaving her behind who was still holding an indomitable
hope in her eyes, sleeplessly, staring at the roof. Would Isacc take care of
her? Even to give him something, there was nothing left. Though he worked in
that house without any expectations, it was a matter of prestige for the people
who were managing the affairs of the house.
There was nothing in the ceiling to stare at. Was
there? Just like Isacc who knew about the growth of crops living with them,
Grandma also knew about the palm leaves in the roof, withering steadily due to
sun light, rain and wind that had made it weak and old. Grandma knew when and
where those leaves had started yellowing.
That night, everyone assembled once again. Only a
handful of finger millet was available. It was surprising to know that a small
amount of curry leaves and cooking oil were also available at home. Esther had
prepared a pasty pudding with finger millet flour.
No difficulty in making fire. Isacc had already
brought some dried twigs and kept them ready. They were guarding the embers
under ash alive ever since the very first day they lighted the fire. Had Isacc
not brought those dried sticks from the forest regularly, they wouldn’t have
been able to keep the fire alive. Without fire nothing would happen. Would
it?
How could we leave such a loyal servant behind? He
was the one who safe guarded the crops; looked after the cattle; even in rains
and sweltering discomfort he remained happy with a simple rope cot. Just for
the sake of grandma, could we leave him behind to die? She only reared him up,
fed him. She only brought him up, watching hairs coming up in his chest and
tender moustache growing. How many days, during several nights, without making
noise, she had come near to his rope cot and watched him sleeping. What was
there in Isacc? Other than his body covered with the rough skin blackened by
sun rays due to roaming in the forest, he had possessed nothing. Had he? Ever
since he was young boy till today, she had seen him fully nude many times when
he used to change his stinking khaki trousers, standing at the cow shed in the
rear entrance of the house. Apart from this, an odd countenance stood concealed
in his eyes that were bereft of moisture. It was not the one while looking at
goats and cows and not the one that used to shine in his eyes while walking
through the matured crops either. His eyes emitted a completely different light
in all aspects while looking at Esther.
Esther served the food, an insufficient amount for
everyone, on their plates. It wasn’t sufficient even for children. Younger
Amalam looked visibly annoyed. It was her nature anyway.
“Both of you go to your homes. Take your children
along with you” she told them, looking at elder Amalam and younger Amalam.
Esther aunty’s voice sounded so firm that others should not oppose what she
said. They, too, didn’t reply.
“Both of you come along with me. Let’s go to
Madurai and do some masonry works. Let’s look after our livelihood somewhere
till rain comes. Isaac can also come along us”.
For this too, both Augustin and David said nothing.
After a while, only David started speaking. He spoke as he was sucking each of
his fingers, caked with the pasty pudding, one after the other.
“Is grandma accompanying?”
Esther stared at him sharply, and then turned her
eyes towards the back entrance. Esther didn’t reply to David’s question after
that. Even while she retired herself to sleep, she didn’t bother giving him any
reply. That day night, for more than an hour, a dry wind started blowing
across. Esther, who was sleeping near the children, got up, went to grandma and
lay beside her.
Even in the morning, the dry wind was still
blowing. If it got cold, rain would come. But it would not get cooled down. It
appeared that the wind didn’t like to get cooled down. Those two bony bulls
standing there, were heaving sigh often.
Those who were rolling on their bed half sleep
could have heard it clearly. The sigh of those bulls wouldn’t be heard anymore.
By somehow infusing their unbearable misery into their breath, those bulls were
heaving a sigh. At least that dry wind could have blown less harsh. The wind
which was just throwing swelter needed no such speed. Wasn’t it? It
must have originated from the dry land lying in the western side of the forest.
The wind carried the smell of dried dung cakes of cows and goats found in the
forest. It was only in the western forest, a greater number of flocks of cattle
had settled recently.
…..
Isacc brought an old coffin, bought for a paltry
sum from a nearby village Kurumbur, carrying it on his head to take the
grandma’s body to the burial ground. It had become evening by then. The priest
from the temple from Palayam Chettikulam had come as the pastor was not present
in the village. Esther spent a considerable amount of money from her savings,
which she had kept for her departure from the village, on account of funeral
expenses of grandma.
No one cried. Their disturbed faces evinced that
they were frightened. The burial ground was not afar. It was located nearby.
Only those from the two houses from Temple Street and Nadar Street came, stayed
for a while and then left. Evading one’s responsibility of participating in the
grief of others is not easy. Is it?
Only Esther kept on remembering very often, the wet
eyes of grandma that used to be fixed on the roof. She didn’t forget those eyes
for a very long time.
***Ended***
