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| Mouni |
This is an English Translation of “Prapanja Gaanam”, a short story written by Mouni. Translated from Tamil by Saravanan Karmegam This short story was first published in Manikkodi magazine in 1936.
It has been three
years since he came to that town. It was the season of westerly though, yet for
reasons unknown the wind didn’t blow in its usual enthusiasm, and behaved like
an uninvited guest to this world, sitting quiet, and was sulking amidst the
branches of trees in which it seemed to have taken refuge surreptitiously.
He was seen most
of his times standing at the veranda of his house, brooding over, kept staring
at his life as if he was flipping the pages of it. The pages of his life, dented
with the tears of sorrow did appear in front of the eyes of his heart. Some of
them appeared clearly and some of them looked vague and were likely to
disappear as he was writing them down as per his whims on the pages that were
still not written. Sometimes he would become deeply melancholic without doing
any of these two.
When the enigmatic
beauty of this nature got into his heart straight away, he would at times be
happy forgetting his existence. During other circumstances, when he felt
miserable and unable to bear the pains of this life, he would leave his worries
afloat in the air, thinking it was denser enough to carry the unbearable burden
of his woes. But to his consternation, his woes would get dissipated in the
air, and thus making the world sink in grief like rain-bearing clouds causing
downpours. While looking at the stars planted in the sky that were glittering
with their mocking eyes from an inaccessible distance, he would remember his
old ruined life. He would grow angry at once, and think of dumping them into
sea by uprooting them from sky with the sense of audacity as if he had only
sown all of them in it. He would, then, look up to the sky with a suspicion,
and ponder what they would be doing at their new place of existence. It would
appear to him that the stars were also looking at him back with the same
suspicion he had.
The streets of the
town were narrow and the houses were long, straight and tall. When the dimming,
slanting rays of the sun fell on top of houses, the open entrances of houses
would render a pose like secret caves whose mouths were open to exhibit the
dark interiors of houses. The exposed entrances shouldn’t be misunderstood that
they were throwing invites to us. They were just looking like stupid opening of
a mouth waiting to devour the thoughts that would disappear after entering it.
But, the thoughts
that disappeared in the hollow pit of his mind kept coming out very often as if
they were written by an extremely hot iron rod. He just needed a baby’s cry or
caws of crows to raise his almost non-existent thoughts, lying dormant, with
the sparkling flames again. His thoughts went back by three years.
Time is always something
which never stops for anyone’s whims and keeps moving even if one holds it,
cuddles it with immense love. Yet, the day he parted terms stood still, not
moving further in his mind. It stood still; remained still ever. He, then,
developed a hatred towards this mundane life of the world thenceforth. It was
that hared burning in his heart was the one now reflecting in his eyes. He
realised that there could be no bigger pain in heart other than the happiness
of this world at the time an individual was desperately seeking a change for
his mind. His heart was not filled with happiness; it was filled with hatred
instead.
Yonder, the sun
was setting in the west, the sky was in crimson hue. The flock of clouds trying
to obstruct it were floating around with various hues, taking different forms.
A streak of long whiteness that had descended from the top of a cloud looking
like a cave with its mouth open, merged with it, and became one. Yet, this
world appeared as an epithet of sorrows, tipped in pleasure, pervading in
yellow with the marvellous and noble souls.
………
Her shiny eyes
were fixed on him, very often, intently, not missing its target even by a
second. When the evening sun light became dimmer, she went inside the house and
disappeared. Yes…she had gone into her house just opposite to his house. These
days she had been watching him often. It gave him an opportunity to comfort his
troubled mind. Her attention on him made him feel that his life had become
lovable for a while. He began reconciling himself that his world was still not
doomed, as he had found a light in it.
One day morning he
went to the pond to have bath. It was a pond with a Peepal tree on its bank. There,
she was washing her saris, probably after taking bath. He thought of bathing
after she left the place, and was standing under Peepal tree. He was watching
the water of the pond with tiny waves behind her. Some grey colour storks were
standing erect, glancing at their reflections on water on the opposite bank.
The brightness of sky was getting reflected on water and small trees at the
opposite side were found looking at her as if they were standing on their toes,
stooped forward in their attempt to reach for her. The breeze was gentle. The
lilies in the pond were peeping their heads above water level. He felt that his
burden in the heart had also got reduced a bit. A kingfisher bird flying
around behind his head with its focus on water, dived into it in flash of a
second, picked up a fish, flew away, and perched on branch of a tree near. A
peasant woman was drying cow dung cakes opposite bank. The woman who was
washing clothes this side of the bank was watching it. He sank into despair as
he knew what that woman might have thought herself watching the drying of cow
dung cakes- ‘it is being made only for me; to cover my body after they
dry’.
After his arrival
at the town, he hadn’t had the chance to listen to her singing. It must have
been more than three years since she had last sung. On that day when she was
sick, the doctor who treated her warned her that her heart was weak and she
shouldn’t attempt singing anymore. From that day she didn’t sing as if her
skills in music had got frozen within herself. She was a trained singer
in Veena. He had listened to her playing Veena once.
After that he had got his impressions, about her music and the universe much
stronger. He started believing that she was an embodiment of music and the song
of the Universe was locked within her. The caws of crows, chirping of birds and
the sound of wind passing through the gaps among trees got him annoyed. He
started surmising that the Nature was still not perfect as it hadn’t
experienced the fullness of her music and any sound one could hear in the world
would be nothing but an empty noise.
After considerably
a long time since he came to that town, he had listened to her playing of Veena
on a Friday in the month of Aadi. An oil lamp was kept lighted in
her house. A bright light was throwing light in front of the house. A faint
spread of light in the front yard permeated through the open entrance, and fell
across the middle of dimly lit street. Inside her brother was reading a book.
The sound of Veena was floating around there, rising from the
hall. It seemed that she had started playing Veena. He was standing
at the corner of the veranda of his house, hiding himself in dark and was
listening to her music.
She played Veena for
nearly one and a half hours. It just passed like a second. It seemed that the
world rose up, overwhelmed by her music. While she was playing Veena,
he thought of something incidentally, which came over his mind like a flash. He
understood that it was an irrefutable truth. The tenor of her song reinforced
his conviction. His heart was filled in with an unfathomable fear, his body
shook once. It appeared to him that his heart would break well before she
completed her song. He stood stunned, speechless, expecting her to stop her
singing.
‘Yes…she shouldn’t
sing. If it is true what the doctor had told, her death is certain. But, she
would die of singing. Wouldn’t she? It wasn’t due to the doctor’s diagnosis.
Was it? The emotional surge caused by his restless mind was changing itself
into a splendid life’s philosophy.
That done, he was
careful about these thoughts that it was dominated mostly by his chaste
understanding of the said matter and a sensitivity bearing no resemblance of
himself. In spite of it, he reinforced his convictions once again- his
conviction that this Nature was not in its fullness due to one reason or the
other- as the song of the Universe and beauty have taken her form, he was
convinced that the defect in Nature was justifiable. The rising of moon was
irritable. The howling of owls in late evenings from the holes in trees sounded
spiritless. All sounds of this world bore depressive notes of resonation. Those
sounds were just the songs sung by a man who was well trained in playing Veena without
pitch, at the height of his madness. As the pitch had taken refuge in her, more
than half the pleasure of music the Mother Nature offered, and was bound to
offer,(both in the form of sound and visual form), were submissive to her
music, and got vanished. While interpreting this further, one could understand
that the Mother Nature was trying to get back what She had
lost to her, and no one could stop the Song of Universe and the beauty that
took her form once, were now trying to come out from her to enthral this
Nature. But, his fear- her death with song- made him sink in utter despair.
Months passed. He
was fully immersed in his thoughts- a moment that got little longer seemed very
long as if it seemed to have become so.
……..
It was the third
day of her marriage. Nalanku ceremony was under way.
He could feel that
his miserable condition had grown worse in recent times. He thought a couple of
times that it was his grief that cried in loneliness, wandering in the night,
howling indistinct. He couldn’t sleep during the night on the day of her
marriage. He felt that the night was impregnated with the gloomy noises of the
world. The immoral appearance of night without light!…He was standing leaning
against the pillar at his house.
The window of front
room in her house was kept closed. The slanting rays of light from inside were
sneaking up on the gap of doors that were not fixed properly, fell on street
and wall of his house veranda. The gentleness of light comforted his senses. He
found an enigmatic pleasure in it. The intermittent disappearance of rays of
light with someone seemed to be walking across inside the house looked very
strange to him. It intrigued him, and he kept looking at it. He thought,
“Yes…she is only walking, losing her mental balance. The one which is confined
is getting ready to come out” He couldn’t think anything beyond it. He was
terribly sad.
A countless number
of stars found scattered on the sky, glittering as if the dots of light painted
themselves in colours on the spread of night. It all appeared that they were
asleep, undying, suspicious and questioning him. ‘It is true that the beauty of
this universal light had got reduced due to her appeal’. The chilly wind started
blowing with the sound of misery. Sounds of gekkering foxes at some distance
and the barking of dogs permeating everywhere from a point at the slums of outcastes
were the only horrifying sounds heard in that night. Those horrifying noises
appeared an imploring cry for the day she would open up her heart to sing the
song that had kept confined in her. A flock of clouds were rising upwards like
a smoke in the distant horizon in east!
After a heavy
downpour, the rain had stopped. The rain water that didn’t seep through the
earth was flowing like a stream on street. Remaining water got stagnated as
puddle of bogs. She opened the window once, closed at once. The street was
afresh with the steaks of light for a while. The drizzling seemed to be
non-stopping. A cat ran across the street, the light fell on it, disappeared in
flash of a second.
It was the third
day of her marriage. Nalanku ceremony was going on. She was
holding a plate full of betal leaves showing it to the bride groom who was
sitting so submissively, and waited for him to pick up some leaves from the
plate. It so appeared that the bridegroom wanted her sing a song; the woman
from bridegroom’s side sitting around her coaxed her to sing a song. She was
standing as if she didn’t like to sing, and remained silent. He was also thinking
that she shouldn’t sing watching her from distance, sitting by the pillar at
his house. The women around there said something hurtful about her. She
detested them. Her eyes displayed a kind indifference. She looked at him once,
who was still leaning against the pillar. Her sharp eyes pierced him without
missing its resolve. It was only at that time, a crow was cawing horribly at
the upper ground. He turned that side. She looked at him once again, and kept
staring at him. His eyes were looking restive like bees that had drunk honey.
Her body had a sudden involuntary shudder. At once, she announced, “It’s
alright. I will sing. Will that be alright?” His heart sank into deepest despair
and about to blast without peace after hearing her announcement. ‘She
has decided to find the meaning out and to become one in cosmos’.
She started
singing.
Once it began, she
was totally immersed with music and forgot her being. Despite knowing the
tenets of music and the limits of one’s ability, her song broke open all the
boundaries like flood. Everyone sitting there was spell bound.
As his head was
spinning he forgot what he was sitting leaning against the pillar as if he had got
merged with it. The deep, unfathomable imagination of human emotions reflected
in her music crossed all the known boundaries of love and took a different
dimension. It was greater than the mountains, crueller than death, and more
inviting than the kisses of women. It kept on taking different dimensions
further. It kept on going up…
She sang for about
an hour. The music which was, hitherto, confined within herself started
overpowering everything out there. The outer world was slowly changing
itself…The pages of his heart were turned over, and read passionately. “The
Time” stopped forthwith, stood frozen. The evening became yellowish quickly
even before its dimmer light faded away. His face became brighter, carried the
signs of death.
At last the cawing
of crows was heard in unison. Sparrows were perching on the canopy, screeching.
Suddenly, he yelled out, “Aiyo…over there…that music, that sweetness…that
pleasure…all are overwhelming this space.” That time, she also fell onto the
ground. The Mother Nature got her defects corrected. She scooped
up, cuddled it herself what she had lost. The stretch of firmament regained its
gorgeousness. The crescent moon, which came out of its hiding in Mega Hills
regained its beauty, and was shining. Outside her house that narrow street of
that town bore the signs of delight.
From the Peepal
tree on the banks of pond to the horizon where the curved earth burying its
face, one could see nothing in between that could obstruct one’s view. On the
west, there was a dense mango grove.
It was dawn. The
light of the Sun started spreading everywhere chasing away the remains of
dimness still staying in every nooks and gaps in the groves. The chirpings of
birds were heard from every corner. The east started wearing crimson, shining
with flames as if all the dense darkness of the previous night was set aflame
at the horizon. The morning Sun rose. Rising further, it shone with a
brightness that had made it impossible for anyone to look at the sky with naked
eyes. The noisy world sounded like a marvellous music. The mind was at peace,
at its happiness. He returned to his house.
In the evening,
while looking at the west through the trees, the expanse of paddy fields grew narrowed,
and began disappearing in a line. All of them got merged with the horizon after
every illusionary expansion. The heads of tall palm trees standing on the
ridges of fields seemed to be disappearing, and hitting the sky. “It was life.
Wasn’t it? A marvellous upsurge of mind”. He kept staring at it.
The cow dung cakes
dried on the banks of the pond, were found stacked one above the
other.
***End***
