Showing posts with label Theivigan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Theivigan. Show all posts

Wednesday, 2 April 2025

Stains of purity (ஆழியாள்) by Theivigan Panchalingam

 



This is an English translation of "Aazhiyaal", a short story written by Australia based Srilankan writer Theivigan Panchalingam. Translated into English by Saravanan Karmegam. 

                                                                        ****

The wild grasses on either side of the road with a thick undergrowth of flame lilies leading to the Elena residential area were bearing a layer of dust on them. Ceylon Rajan’s suspicion that someone had come there in a vehicle had now been confirmed. The smell of dust brought him the truth that the danger, which he was prepared to face, did make its entry into his house when he wasn’t present. He ran fast towards his house. He felt that his heart had fallen into his abdomen. There was no sound around the house. He could hear only the clack of his footsteps as he was running.

Sooner he opened the gate, did he see his daughter Monora standing on the outer veranda of the house, crying. The incident that he was trying to avert with his regular vigil around his house had now occurred. They had abducted his wife, Nimini.

He didn’t know how to comfort his daughter, who came running and hugged him. Rajan’s lips were shivering. His voice, which had almost lost its strength to comfort his daughter, had settled on his face grimly. Anger, emptiness, and helplessness were vying in his eyes.

The wind that blew across the Yuvaru land brushed his skin like fire.

He walked fast to the captain’s house carrying his daughter. Some women from the other side of the residential area came out of their houses, seeing his fretful walk at a distance. The speed of his walk revealed that he was not in a position to reply to anyone. Frequent bouts of Monora’s sobs had been reduced to beats and were settling on his shoulder.

Everyone in that residential area seemed to be a little aware that they would abduct Nimini soon. All the women from the Elena residential area had earlier warned Nimini to stay away from the eyes of “cart men” ever since she was carrying a three-month pregnancy and her stomach was showing its mild bulges. Their warning, “Be careful this time,” often fell on Rajan’s ears. Many of them were abducted earlier when they were pregnant. With all these, Rajan always remained alert.

Two weeks ago, it was Nimini who expressed her desire to visit the Black Stone beach on the western shores of Yuvaru along with Rajan. She told that she wanted to show Rajan the paintings drawn on the distended black rocks amidst the stretch of aloevera bushes which had been housing the undying roars of sea wind in it. She had begged him many times that she wanted to explain to Rajan in person the divine appeals of aborigines in those black stone paintings to prove they also had a faith in gods.

Rajan was very much aware of the dangers. He had experienced it once and therefore flatly denied it in the first place. But, on that day, in the morning when she sneaked under his bed sheet and repeated his usual nagging, “Can we go today?” as she wiggled his nose, he found himself surrendered. He gently pinched her cheeks as she was lying on his chest and said, “We can make it tomorrow.” The soft flesh of Nimini’s cheeks, which settled with a gentle resilience of rubber, was still exuding lustre even after his pinch.

There was no vehicular movement in the barren land lying on the rear of the Elena residential area. Rajan thought that he could take that route to reach the seashore. Both of them went out on a walk before the evening light fell into the horizon. Taking a beaten track diverted from the aloevera bushes, they reached the black stone beach without facing any problems.

Nimini introduced those aboriginal paintings carved with sharp stones thousands of years ago to Rajan. It was their belief that the only god of their dreams was still living in those paintings, she explained. She held Rajan’s fingers and gently moved them along the edges of those paintings. Rajan felt that he was journeying on the paths of history along with Nimini. A mild tremble as if being united with an inexplicable power even after removing his fingers from the paintings was still permeating in him. Nimini relished the amazement seen in Rajan. She felt both pride and happiness flooding in her for bringing Rajan there.

When they left, they seemed to have forgotten themselves. As he could learn something new, Rajan kept talking about it with Nimini all the way. They were oblivious of the beaten track at the rear and were walking home by the public road. The seashore paintings had lessened their anxiety, which they carried while going there.

A moment before they took a turn to reach the Elena residential area, the men in a jeep, which went past them fast, were looking at Rajan and Nimini intently.  

Nimini was very happy that day. Her dark eyes and thick lips, which emitted shyness, were still shining all through the way they took for their stroll to the seashore. Her strong, dark lock of hair that would never get untidy in the wind was holding her tightly. That day, Rajan felt the same pinch of love he had when he first met her.

2

Most of the tribal people on the western side of Australia living in Yuvaru land were mostly hunters. No one from Nimini’s family ventured into the forest after they lost her younger brother while hunting. They felt that killings and living in the forests had sown an irretrievable allergy in their family. Nimini’s father was bedridden for months after his leg hit a poisonous wood stick and then died. After these two deaths in their family, Nimini and her mother started living as far away from forests as they could.

Even before Nimini met Rajan, she had already kept herself away from the forests. She had developed a natural aversion and fear for forests. But the sea offered her a different experience. Deep sea and its waves were the sources of her ecstasy in her. She had dreamt many times of waves hitting the edges of her heart, foaming, and got up smiling on late nights, being choked up with it, and would sleep. The roars of waves were closer to her heart than the sounds of trees in the wild. She had learnt the art of swimming and interacting with the waves since her tender age.

She had written with a sharp stone at the bottom of a dubru tree when she went out hunting along with her father that her prince would emerge only from the belly of the sea. Sooner she became an adult, she started teaching the children studying in a small hut school lying on the road to the sea shore from the Elena residential area. She met Rajan there. He was then known as “Ceylon Rajan.” Putting it precisely, she met him for the first time near the well of the school.

Nimni could very well recollect what had happened that day. She was teaching the children some songs of sleep. Suddenly there were big-sized trucks moving towards the seashore near the school. Throwing away their play sticks, the children in school got up and looked at those trucks. White men in large numbers hopped off the vehicles that halted at the abandoned trenches that were once used for pearl fishing. For people around, it wasn’t very difficult to know why those men had arrived there.

It was then when the tyrannical hands of colonialism had been sucking the blood of aboriginals’ country through its guns. It was the time the people of Yuvuru fought the British army commanded by William Gladstone that entered the Western Australia on the frontier villages and were defeated. The people of Yuvuru were burning the headless torsos of hundreds of men, who fought for their land, on the grass mounds after their chopped heads were taken away by the army. Sending the heads of tribal leaders, who challenged their authority, to Britain was considered a sign of great valour in Gladstone’s army. A glorious land with thousands of years of heritage was being fenced around and hunted with the guns of colonialism without any obvious justifications.

All the people who migrated due to fear and encroachment, living in the Elena residential area, were once living a prosperous life in the middle of the city.

Within two weeks of the vehicles’ arrival on the coastal lines, some gun-wielding men went to every household and directed the people to come to Thotiya ground. On the first day, there was a skirmish between the gun-wielding men and the villagers living in the coastal area lying beyond the Elena residential area, who refused to obey their orders. At that time, a meeting with Elena residents was going on in Thotiya ground. Suddenly, gunshots were heard from the coastal area. Those who were yelling “We’d do what you say” were sitting on the floors of Thotiya grove rose, panicked at the sounds of guns. The sounds from the coastal area were louder and continuous. Men were running helter-skelter, wailing helplessly. The birds rose up in flocks above the forests that spread across inward. The noise of vehicles carrying gunmen, speeding towards the seacoast, was heard. 

The next day, Nimini and her mother visited the house on the coast where the mass murder had been orchestrated. The gunmen had shot many villagers dead and killed them the way blue whales used to be slaughtered. The parts of their bodies were beyond recognition. The heads were totally chopped off. The house not fully burnt in the fire was hanging on their beams. Seriously injured old men were found sitting near the headless bodies and crying out dirges.   Every nook and corner of the village bore the signs of women brazenly dragged out and vehicles that violently moved around that area. When Nimini’s head started spinning at the unfamiliar stench of death along with sea wind, her mother pulled her away from there and led her to their house immediately.

A large number of people were brought in a month for pearl fishing. Yuvuru’s men were curiously watching those men roaming with unfamiliar appearances and speaking unintelligible languages. Even if death and fear were lying under their feet, they never lagged behind in their attempts to know what was waiting to happen on their lands.

A vast stretch of bushy land near the Thotiya ground was completely cleaned overnight. The sounds of machines brought in various shapes filled the air in the succeeding nights. A bright lamp at the top of a pole was throwing its light all around throughout the night. The work was in full swing under the light. The residents of Elena climbed on treetops just to have a glimpse of this light. Within a month, there appeared sixteen houses in that stretch of land.

When Rajan introduced himself to Nimini, he said he was one of those men working there and living in that residential area. Nimini saw him wearing a blue shirt, black pants, shoes weighing nearly four kilograms, and shyness that almost equalled the weight of his shoes.

Those men who were offloaded along the coast for work looked strange in the eyes of Yuvuru’s people. They saw those workers bearing a complexion that stood somewhat in between the gunmen and them. But Rajan’s complexion, which looked almost similar to Nimini’s, and his eyes, which carried an attractive, perennial opulence, did pull Nimini towards him with an inexplicable charm since the day she first met him.

The workers who were settled in the houses in the Thotiya ground had been brought as far as Malaysia, Indonesia, and Singapore. Those who were brought from Ceylon were given a prefix, “Ceylon,” with their names to facilitate an easy identification.

On the first day, when Rajan came to the school well to collect water to fill in the baskets, Nimini found their communication very difficult as the language posed her a big problem. But, within the half an hour of their acquaintance, they felt that they had known each other for long.

After the Thotiya ground had started getting new houses, Nimini went to each household in the Yuvuru region, brought many children to the school, and taught them lessons. She was eager to arrange adequate infrastructure in the school so that she could spend more time teaching.

The school well got rid of the layers of algae sediments due to its frequent use and started producing fresh water as ever. During one of the school holidays, Nimini took Rajan to a hillock standing near the border of Yuvuru city. One could entirely devour the beauty of the city with their two eyes if they stood atop the hillock. They could enjoy the magnificent beauty that the land carried, along with the clouds from the hilltop. They could enjoy the hair stands of the forests that were sending out the sea wind filtered. While all these were the wonders of nature, the kisses they shared while relishing it did also become as pure as nature.

The language, which seemed to be relatively crippled between Nimini and Rajan, had now become smoother.

One day, when Rajan introduced himself, telling her that Ceylon’s northwest region, Mannar, was also a coastal town like Yuvuru, Nimini’s eyes widened as if seeing the dotted patterns of the aboriginals. Those wide, dense, devouring eyes were the ones Rajan loved in her the most. They added a grand lustre to her dark skin. Those eyes owned a strong vision that no one could easily distract.

Rajan informed her that when he went to a town known as Kali in the south in search of livelihood from Mannar, luckily he could find a job in Australia for pearl fishing. A big ship which left that place brought a large number of men for pearl fishing to Australia, he concluded.

Nimini once again remembered the dream of her sea prince, smiled at him, curling her lips inward, and then gave out a broader grin. Rajen went nearer and held the remains of her ancient beauty, which hadn’t still been lost in her, in his hands. Kissing her cheeks, he bit her studless earlobes fondly as he groped her face with his lips. The sea wind gently witnessed Ceylon completely conquering Australia and left.

Rajan’s daily chores began at dawn and ended at dusk, involving a search for pearls like a hound driven off into the sea. He had to dive into the dark holes where the sun’s rays never entered, holding his breath through the coral rocks, and come out after collecting the oysters. Putting them in his waist pouch, when he comes out of the water, his English master would be waiting in his layout boat, flapping his goat ears as if waiting for its prey.

Rajan’s sea trips were comfortingly refreshing with his thoughts about Nimini. It had become his habit to segregate the oysters with a smile on his face underwater.

After three months of their courtship, Nimini informed her mother that she was going to marry Rajan. Her mother didn’t accept that proposal and offered no reason for her refusal either. She was categorical in her terms that Nimini shouldn’t marry anyone, not alone Rajan. Her mother’s life was full of personal losses. Nor was she composed in thoughts. It might be possible she had resolved not to think. At her old age, she had hard learnt and acknowledged that living and dying as a slave would lessen her woes. Nimini was aware of it. But her mother’s boorish stand on Nimini’s way to marry Rajan triggered her anger that overwhelmed her love for her mother.

“It is not only you; I too don’t have a father and a brother”—Nimini kicked a water-filled mud pot one day in a fit of anger and threw it away. Nimini’s mother pulled out a whale hide from the inner ceiling of the house and slapped Nimini with it. The hide missed its target and hit Nimini’s right shoulder.

After the school hours that day, Nimini took Rajan to the hillock and told him that they had to marry immediately. The bruise on her shoulder was burning with the salty wind of the sea. Rajan massaged her bruise gently with his palm and dried up the blood stains. Nimini’s eyes, which were blankly staring at the expanse of sea, slowly closed once and then opened.

Yuvuru’s customs demanded that a nuptial relationship would be recognised only after the birth of the first child, even if it was solemnised by both families. Apart from this, if a foreigner wanted to marry an Australian aboriginal woman, he had to pay a criminal bond amount worth five Ceylon rupees at the local court. As per the agreement, Rajan’s monthly wages were just twelve rupees at that time, with an increase to fifteen rupees in the second year and then twenty in the third year. These were the laws enforced by the Europeans when they brought the labourers.

The next day, Nimini came to the Thotiya residential area and stayed with Rajan. She commuted to the school from there.

Rajan felt that the land had blessed him with Nimini’s love. Nimini offered him the fully steamed sweet potato when he returned home every evening after work. She would go to the forest along with other women from the Elena residential area to collect salty grasses to make a delicious gruel for Rajan. She would go to the coastal village, collect the fertilised eggs of big fish usually caught with enormous nets, roast them with sea cucumber, and introduce newer tastes every evening.

During the nights when the moon wasn’t nearly visible, Nimini, with all her exquisiteness, would be ready to guzzle down Rajan. For a trifling soul who was washed ashore like an injured sea bird on the Yuvuru land, Nimini looked like an angel. Facing her beauty, for Rajan, almost appeared like facing the sea.

One day when they returned home after paying the criminal bond amount at the court, Nimini informed Rajan that she had gotten pregnant. No one in Yuvuru town could have ever experienced in their life the happiness they felt that day. Rajan grew impatient to hold the priceless pearl he was going to see in that new country. Rajan’s going to the workplace and coming back home were fully occupied with the thoughts of his baby. Nimini’s beauty assumed different appeal every day. She was blossoming like an angel of the Thotiya area.

That day, when Rajan was out for work, some gunmen who came to Thotiya ground in a jeep went straight to Rajan’s house. They dragged Nimini out of the house, who just came out to open the door hearing the knock on the door, and threw her into the jeep without entertaining any questions. One of those men was holding a bunch of Nimini’s hair in his hand while the other was tying her flexing legs as if they had no need of showing any tinge of concern for a pregnant woman.

The jeep ran fast to a far-away place from Thotiya ground, where the pearl fishing was undertaken. The sea wind gusting into the jeep was making a ghastly sound. Nimini was yelling out, helplessly. Those men, without removing their legs from hers, were busy talking among themselves. One of them bent down, twisted Nimini’s nipple, and kicked her on her buttocks.

The jeep entered a building on the coast. They dragged her into a shed made of tin. Her thick lock of hair got tangled with the molester’s fingers. They dragged her and threw her on the floor. There were seven other women lying on the floor. They were all pregnant women. Their hands were untied, and they were sitting on the floor with their legs spread wide. Nimini had not seen them anywhere in Yuvuru town. But they were all aboriginal women. The bruises they bore on their body proved that their arrest was not easy. Two of them had their foreheads almost torn and were bleeding copiously.  

When Nimini was thrown on the floor, no one took the effort to look at her closely. They were all blankly staring at the tin-sheeted walls. The sunlight penetrating through the holes of the ceiling was falling into the shed-like tubes. Nimini was yearning for someone to speak to her. She just stared at them feebly as if expecting them to offer their look so that they could cry together. But they were lying as stiff as black stone statues.

All those women were taken into the sea for pearl fishing three times a day for a week. Rajan had seen the gunmen abducting pregnant aboriginal women of all ages and taking them to different sea fronts even before he was brought to the Yuvuru region. When he asked the captain who used to lead them in the sea why the pregnant women were selectively handpicked for pearl fishing, the reply from the captain pained like a melted sea wind thrown into one’s ears.

“Oxygen retention capacity of pregnant women’s lungs is far greater. If they dive into the sea, they can withhold for a longer time underwater. Adduction of pregnant Aboriginal women across the country to get them deployed on the sea fronts where pearl fishing is undertaken has been in force since the day Europeans stepped into Australia,” the captain said. His words weren’t harsh, though. There wasn’t an inclination of boasting about it as a sign of their valour in his voice. His plump, seasoned cheeks reflected in their entirety the qualms of men who joined the army for the sake of money. He stared at the sea, as if trying to hide his heavy heart. The men in the boat noticed his predicaments.

Since the day they came to know about it, all, including Rajan, decided to perform their duties with sort of a detachment from this fact as if they weren’t in any way related to it and shut their mouths for the wages of twelve rupees they received.

But Rajan never thought that they didn’t have qualms about abducting the wives of the labourers working under them. He never thought, even in his fantasy that those guns would enter the doors of his house.

Sooner he heard that Nimini was abducted, then Rajan felt that he had been tied with a boulder lying at the bottom of the sea. Felt desolated. Only when Rajan, who was till then thinking that Nimini and the sea were his world, learnt that Nimini, who was about to show him a new world soon, was beaten before being abducted, did the reality that slapped him in the face pain him—that he was no more than a slave there. Rajan sunk into despair like a hired animal struggling for breath after it was nearly killed. He felt birds circling above his head.

He ran to the captain.

“Nimini knows swimming. She doesn’t have to bring pearls. Even if she could get some amount of sand, it will do. Within two weeks she would be released,” the captain told him nonchalantly. Rajan believed in his old age.

Rajan knew that the abducted women would be released. But there were instances when the women had sustained neck injuries while being pushed into the sea and died. Some of them were even killed after being abducted. These news kept coming through his mind and troubled him one after another.

The absence of Nimini had its toll on his house. The walls of his house spoke to him in her voice. He would climb onto the hillock and vacantly watch over the town in the evenings, fancying the ocean swallowing up Yuvuru town in a night and return of Nimini in that deluge. The sea seen on the horizon and trees standing around were found wearing a thick blanket of darkness.

They didn’t permit Rajan to dive into the sea for pearl harvest. They took him to the border area of Yuvuru for laying gravel and road repair work.

On the fifth day, while passing near Rajan’s house, the captain told him that he would be in charge of the boat carrying Nimini and others and assured Rajan that Nimini would be back in five days and left, smiling, as he went on pressing the jeep’s horn.

Unable to contain his enthusiasm, Rajan ran to his house and then to the hillock. He felt like crying thinking about Nimini in solitude. That time, Nimini’s mother intercepted Rajan on the gravel road leading to the Elena residential area as she came to know about the abduction of Nimini unexpectedly.

She babbled, uttered feebly, and chastised Rajan, throwing invectives on him till her eyeballs jumped out of their sockets. She hit the ground with a black stick ferociously, yelling out loudly. Then she ran to a tree and vented out her frustration on it. Her anger left the tip of the black stick, breaking into a brush of five-six filaments.

She wept, leaving him no time to inform her about Nimini’s return. The truth is, it was because of this that Nimini’s mother didn’t accept their marriage, hitting the bottom of Rajan’s heart like a wave hitting rock. He broke down deep within, knowing her enormous perseverance for the sake of love for her daughter.

Each drop of the tears that Nimini’s mother shed fell onto the ground, announcing loudly a message about how the motherhood of an ancient land, on which the elements of aggression were still ruling, had to fear for the things both in her womb and outside.

She—the one who had lost her husband and son, the one who was very fearful not to lose her daughter along with the fetus, the one who outrageously reproached Rajan without any qualms—was now lying dead as an orphaned corpse in her house in the Elena residential area a day before the captain assured Rajan of Nimini’s return. Hearing the news of her death, when Rajan reached her house, he saw the black stick, which she had forcefully thrown on the ground a day ago, lying at the doorway.

A five or six women from the Elena residence came forward, lifted the dead body, and burnt it somewhere near the coast.

Rajan thought his life had started afresh from the flash of a lightning.

A hurried journey. A love affair faster than that, which consummated in marriage; the pregnant wife as a prisoner in the sea; the death of her mother in her absence.

Rajan felt Australia had been offering him a lot of things other than his usual monthly wages of twelve rupees. The next day, the captain brought Nimini back and left her in his house.

They cried, not very certain of the misery for which they were shedding tears. Nimini went to the Elena residential area and was sitting in her mother’s house stretching her legs. She had been very much hurt by her mother that she couldn’t even cry for her. It would be comforting if she could get to watch someone crying, she thought.

Those five or six women who burnt her mother’s body brought three bags full of grains and some meat of common quail wrapped in a big leaf, gave it to her, and left.

The wind flowing outside was truant, coming in and going outside their house as if searching for someone. Rajan brought in the milk from the wooden tumbler he had kept, placed Nimini’s legs on his lap, and gently caressed those legs of that ‘bird’ that was carrying the feathers of his life. The nearness of the man who would be carrying her love forever had just blown out the anguish that had been heavily oppressive on her.

They shifted their house from the Thotiya ground labourer residential area to Nimini’s mother’s house permanently. In the ninth month, Monora saw the new world. She received that new world, from the family replete with deaths, into her hands. Rajan built his wings in the waves and flew in the Yuvuru’s sky. He fancied carrying Nimini and Monora on his two wings, crossing the oceans to pay a visit to Mannar. The front yards of all the houses in the Elena residential area saw their dawn with Rajan’s smirks, and they went to sleep listening to his voice with unending laughter. 

Monora adorned Yuvuru town as an incarnation of Nimini. “Did you swallow the pearls I brought? Monora’s eyes shine that way?” When Rajan teased her, Ninimi would roll her eyes wide and smile. She would cuddle Rajan, who seemed to be born anew with his smiles. Rajan was happy to see her reconciled with the loss of her mother and completely come out of it.

When Nimini informed him that she was pregnant in her third month of carrying, Rajan jumped out of bed as if the sea had fallen onto it. Nimini shed a streak of a smile, placed a strong kiss on his forehead, and told that the land of Yuvuru had been blessed with the presence of her husband.

“My mother has already come in me. So, this must be my father.” She gave him a demure smile as she was stroking her belly. Her voice sounded without understanding the looming danger.

While leaving for work the next morning, Rajan went to the captain to meet him in private. All throughout his way, Rajan felt that he was standing alone on the coast, facing the waves of ebbing on the shores of Yuvuru.

On his arrival in Yuvuru after spending his leave in the Australian mainland, the captain came to know about Rajan’s child. He didn’t have the opportunity to meet Rajan in person. As soon as he saw Rajan, he scooped him up, cuddled him, and wished him with a loving punch in Rajan’s stomach.

“What’s the name?”

“Monora”

“Sri Lankan name?”

“No. It is Nimini’s choice.”

The captain nodded his head and smiled. It was evident that he was so pleased with Rajan.

“I have a humble request for you, Captain. I just ask this treating you as my father.

The captain wrinkled his forehead as if it was an unexpected question and further tightened his wrinkles, throwing an intent look at Rajan to see what it was.

“Captain, Nimini is pregnant now.”

Rajan was grasping the captain’s hand tightly when he uttered these words. Rajan was standing so submissively as if not only the secret help he sought was lying secured in those hands, but also the lifeline of his family. His palms were sweating more. The captain felt a mild tremor in his hold.

The captain patted him on his shoulder and said, “Ceylon Monora…a good name indeed,” as he got into his jeep. Rajan believed in the captain the way he believed in the waves. He trusted him as a redeemer who would guard his family against all fears. He gave him black gram paste and steamed sweet potato whenever he went to him.

When he took Monora to the captain for the first time, the captain had a tough time looking in the baby’s eyes. He grinned with uneasiness. He, being a representative of the British Empire that had gobbled up that land, was guilty of being unable to look into a petite child’s eyes. Rajan didn’t miss noticing his dilemma. Pretending not to be aware of the captain’s predicaments, Rajan presented a pleasing countenance in front of him for his blessing of the baby. Noticing the uneasiness in the captain at seeing the baby, Rajan decided to show his baby as frequently as possible to the captain. He believed that keeping the captain as one of his family members would ensure a safety cover for Nimini. 

3

Raj couldn’t bear the pain of betrayal when his trust in the captain was broken. The very thought of the one who should have safeguarded Nimini as his family member had in fact backstabbed him with his vile smiles on him, and Monora made even his tears boil with rage when trickling down.

The captain was not found anywhere that day. All the camps where Rajan enquired about his presence gave him negative replies, which further infuriated Rajan. He strongly believed that the captain had deliberately hidden the fact of Nimini’s abduction from him. Missing Nimini, betrayal of the captain, and the pain of being thrown into a solitude—all combined into one and made him roam on the gravel roads like an animal, which Yuvuru had never seen.

That night, he left Monora at his ‘Singapore’ friend’s house in the Elena residence and was walking restlessly between his house and the sea. The hisses of the birds that looked like owls from the big trees standing along the inner line of the gravel road sounded like an oracle in him announcing the bad omen.

Big vehicles kept moving past Elena's residence frequently that night. Rajan kept shuttling to the street corner from the residence, restively looking for the captain’s jeep in the headlights of the vehicles.

Suddenly, he ran towards his house, went to its backyard, and pulled a bent black stick from the thatch. He cut the stick with a kitchen knife and shaped it for easy handling. The stick, which was otherwise too strong for anyone to cut it easily, bore the brunt of Rajan’s enduring frenzy and fury with each swing of the knife on it. Once done, he sharpened the end of the stick. The sweat flowed down his body as if a poison tree spread its roots across one’s body.

He went to the street corner once again and looked around the coastal area. Something in him was pulling back, preventing him from going far away from where Monora was sleeping. Yet, the howls of the birds were disturbing him in the night.

The next day, some gunmen intercepted two men from the Elena residence, who were coming back from a hunt in the forest, took them along in their jeep, and gave them Rajan’s dead body, which they retrieved from the hillock. Five or six jeeps were strolling around the foothills. The Sabrina birds were hovering above head.

Nimini was permitted to go home that evening when Rajan’s body reached there.

 

5

Vakeesan fell unconscious at Mill Park School in Melbourne that day. He was talking with his girlfriend under the shade of an oleander tree in the afternoon. He fell down with his eyes looking up, fixedly, and didn’t regain his consciousness after that. The school principal sent him to the intensive care unit for treatment.

Vakeesan was living alone in a house under the government housing scheme in North Melbourne. He was fourteen years old. No parents. He had no one worth calling relatives in Australia.

Ten years ago, the boat carrying some refugees towards Australia crashed into a rock near Christmas Island, which resulted in many being washed away in the waves. Vakeesan was one among the forty refugees who survived that accident. His father’s death was announced after his body was washed ashore after two weeks. The navy buried his body as there was no one to claim right over it. Vakeesan’s mother, who died in the boat accident, was then three months pregnant. There wasn’t anyone to claim right over the boy rescued along with other survivors by the villagers living on the coast of Christmas Island. He was then brought to Melbourne, and after a month, it was officially declared that his two parents were dead in the boat accident.

Neminatha from the Melbourne Tamil Association would take Vakeesan to the Cram Town temple during the Pongal and Deepawali festivals. He would offer prayers in his name by paying eight dollars. He would then buy Briyani in Wales Spices in front of the temple and leave him in the government housing with an additional packet of mixture snacks.

To honour the request of Neminathan, I used to meet Vakeesan once a month to teach him Tamil. My name had been registered in the Vakeesan-related government documents as “immediate contact,” “well-wisher,” and “translator” purely on the basis of persons known to him.

When I went to the Melbourne Northern Hospital, where he was admitted after being informed by the Children Protection Home of Victoria government that he had fallen unconscious, I found him sitting on the cot, legs folded, wearing an immaculate white hospital uniform. The nurse and doctor, adoring his body parts, which hadn’t lost their innocence yet, were asking him questions in brief sentences and recording his replies.

Not only sentences, Vakeesan would speak even the words in softer articulation. Most of the time, those who spoke to him would usually bring their ears very near to his mouth and thus get his replies confirmed.

I spoke to the doctor after a brief introduction about me.

After analysing the sequence of events that occurred, the doctor inferred that Vakeesan might have seen or heard something that afternoon, which must have reminded him of his past.

I briefed the doctor about his loneliness after being orphaned due to the boat accident, the present state of his education, and his background. But the doctor didn’t seem to be convinced with all these. His face revealed the signs of his suspicions. H

He rubbed his face with his two hands as he removed his specs and kept it on the table.

“I need to talk about Vakeesan’s health with the school principal,” he said.

As they told me that they didn’t have any objections to sending Vakeesan with me, I took him in my car and left for the government housing. He was agreeably happy to be out of the hospital. Keeping no prolonged silence in the car, I struck up a conversation with him.

“Who is coming for the boxing match this time, Vakeesan?”

“New Zealand”

“Oh”

“Next time India comes. Right?”

“Oh”

The usual evening traffic jam of Melbourne city had delayed our journey to Mill Park.

“What did you carry in the morning for breakfast?”

“Sandwich”

“Mm”

Vakeesan’s composed replies offered me a strength to move to my next questions.

“Did anyone say anything in the school? What happened in the afternoon that you fell unconscious?”

“……..”

“Are you afraid of telling me that?”

“...”

“If you are afraid, you don’t have to tell that?”

I stopped the car after reaching his house, picked up his schoolbag, and went into his room with him. His face had no traces of a hospital visit.

He drank water from the fridge, poured me a ‘Coke,’ went into his room, changed his dress, and came out.

“How far is the sea from here, Anna?”

Though it was an unexpected question, his silence did come to an end with it, and it offered me a hope.

“It’ll take three quarter an hour. Do you want to go there?”

“Yes… Next Saturday”

Holding the water bottle in his hand, he stood there staring at me, waiting for a satisfactory reply from me.

“Oh…we can go.”

He switched on the TV. I spent time with him, watched the news, and left.

I was trying to interweave what the doctor had told about him with his sudden inclination to visit the sea. My mind was growing restive.

‘If Vakeesan, who had lost his parents in a boat accident, now wants to go to the seashore, it does appear correct that he has regained his old thoughts or memories as the doctor has told. But who’d made him regain all those thoughts? Has he spoken to any such survivor like him in the school? He is not speaking about it. Even when asked, he didn’t reply. It seems he doesn’t like to share any such things.

Apart from submitting mandatory reports to the government and being Vakeesan’s “immediate contact” and “well-wisher,” I grew inquisitive to know what had happened to him.

I was travelling thinking all these. Vakeesan’s school principal called me on the way and inquired what had happened in the hospital. I explained to him in detail what the doctor said and his suspicions.

When enquired, Vakeesan’s class teacher and other students said that Vakeesan was speaking to a girl student, namely Alindra, before he fell unconscious in the afternoon.

Alindra had very recently migrated to Melbourne from a state in Western Australia. The school principal gave additional information—that she is living near Mill Park School. After she joined their school, she became very friendly with Vakeesan, he told. They never had any problem till now. The principal swore on his responsible position and ruled out the possibility of a fight between them, which might have resulted in him falling unconscious, as he had already checked the CCTV footage.

I parked my car on the side, and recorded the Alindra’s name without spelling errors in my mobile phone. I promised the school principal that I would send him a copy of incident report I kept for sending to Victoria Children Protection home.

He thanked me and hung up the phone. After reaching home, I wrote Alindra’s name correctly on Facebook and searched for her.

Alindra was not a white girl. She shone in a golden complexion, a sort of mixture of black and white. She had either wrinkled her face, or stuck out her tongue, or just boasted of her assets, which looked overgrown for her age in almost all her selfie pictures on Facebook. All the pictures seemed to have been taken somewhere in Western Australia. Scrolling it further down, it took me to a Black woman’s picture with a sentence below it. “Grandma—Monora, brave woman who fought for the rights of Yuvuru people.”  

I started searching for the Yuvuru land on the internet and recorded all the details available in the links I visited. But I couldn’t arrive at a solid inference with the help of those notes despite my skilful application of logic. That time, I just remembered a professor from Western Australia who taught economics at Melbourne University. We had known each other very well till the day we had the last dinner after his retirement. He used to be curious about Sri Lankan politics. I sent him an email and inquired about Yuvuru land. Though the distance between Western Australia and Melbourne was just a three-hour journey, he could easily identify me with my name as if he was waiting for my letter. He then wrote a reply within two hours. He told me getting reliable sources to collect information about Yuvuru lying on a sea coast very far from Western Australia was extremely difficult and gave me a contact of a human rights enthusiast living there.

I sent that contact an email, and I received a reply after three days. The human rights activist had sent an email with some scanned copies of historical evidence pertaining to Monora and her parents that he could collect from a local library. He had sent a handwritten note that Monora was an important lady who fought for the freedom of Yuvuru land.

He had written about the death of Monora’s father and the dead body of a white man found after three days of her father’s death. Monora became a very brave woman who fought for the freedom of Yuvuru land after many years after her father’s death—he had noted in block letters. When I completed reading his email, it was already dark. The moonlight outside was shining bright, making the night a new day.

Some pictures showing the groups of pregnant aboriginal women, chained for the purpose of throwing them into pearl fishing, came through my mind again and again and caused an oppressive pain in me. The very thought of a slave’s helpless cry made one hundred and thirty years ago still piercing the deepest parts of the memory of an immigrant without losing its tenor made my two shoulders shudder in reflex.

On a Saturday afternoon, I went to Melbourne’s North government housing, picked up Vakeesan, and reached Melbourne’s Brighton beach. His face looked gloomy. His eyes were evincing that something with pain was still swimming in his memory. A long, blank stare, which one could see in him even in his silence, was evident all the way to the beach.

The sea welcomed everyone with its usual force, sending the white, foamy, unrelenting waves to its shore. The waves that hit the shore as if being unaware of Vakeesan were retreating to the sea.

Vakeesan got off the car, went near the waves, stood at a distance where the foamy waves could touch his feet, and looked absorbedly into the horizon. He threw a disgusting stare at that bluish, vast stretch of water. An intense yearning—why didn’t his mother come out of the sea alive holding her breath?—was visible in all the floaters of his eyes.

                                                                ***Ended***             

 

Saturday, 28 September 2024

I don’t know him (அவனை எனக்குத் தெரியாது) by Theivigan Panchalingam

 


This is an English translation of “அவனை எனக்குத் தெரியாது”, a poignant short story written by Australia based Srilankan writer Theivigan Panchalingam. Translated into English by Saravanan Karmegam.

         1

                                            I DON’T KNOW HIM

This is an English translation of “அவனை எனக்குத் தெரியாது”, a poignant short story written by Australia based Srilankan writer Theivigan Panchalingam. Translated into English by Saravanan Karmegam.

         1

 Some consistories had requested the people to ring the bells in churches spread all over Australia at about six in the evening on the day Arul Kumaran was to be executed and offer their prayers for his soul to rest in peace.

2

Thavaranjini was wailing inconsolably, hammering the iron gates of the jail with her hands. She bawled helplessly and struggled to drag herself out even after the permitted time to meet Arul Kumaran was over. The words, “This will be the last meeting,’ got broiled again and again in her helpless, louder wails that rose up from her heart. The embers of that broil fell off as hapless, wretched groans. “They are going to kill my son. Let them all perish.” Her screams, laden with the profound misery of motherhood, hit the prison walls that stood with all their indifference and receded into oblivion without any response. The prison guards dragged her out and threw her away.

Akila, who was standing near her, also tried to reason with the officials but in vain. Thavaranjini’s husband, Karalasingam, was standing helpless, wiping his tired, reddened eyes with his shirt collar. He paced fast to Thavaranjini, hearing Akila’s feeble request to hold her mother from falling. He brought her out carefully, arm-supporting her, with her one hand encircling his neck. Thavaranjini was completely worn out, with no traces of energy left in her body.

As they reached the entrance of the prison complex, where stood a big arch made of iron engraved with block letters “Kerobokan Prison” on both sides, the prison guard opened a small wicket gate to let them out. They came out of the prison complex.

No sooner had they come out than a group of media persons carrying their paraphernalia—cameras, video and audio recorders, and microphones—surrounded Thavaranjini’s family, nearly laying a siege around the three.

“Is it certain that Arul Kumaran would be executed tomorrow?”

“What did Arul Kumaran say to you last?”

“What did Arul Kumaran eat last?”

“Has the government of Australia given any last-hour assurance to save him from the death sentence?”

Thavaranjini covered her face with the hem of her sari with one hand and strode fast holding the collar of her husband Karalasingam with another and whimpered aloud through her veil, “No…No… Please…leave us alone…please…please.”

The journalists were intelligent enough that they could pull them out separately for quizzing. Some of them targeted Akila with some specific queries. The rest of them held out their microphones closer, nestling against Karalasingam’s neckline. The news-hungry mob of journalists now surrounded their car as well, stuck out their microphones and recorders into the car through its glass windows, and doggedly repeated the same questions they had asked a while ago. The driver closed all the glass windows. He grew tense seeing the unruly behaviour of journalists dashing against the car from all directions. As he tried exhausting all his tricks to take out the car from the crowd somehow, the cameramen were struggling to capture the faces of Thavaranjini’s family members from all possible angles to publish them in their media. Akila covered her face with the hem of her mother’s sari. Thavaranjini seemed to have buried her face into her sobs. Karalasingam was sitting stiff, devoured by the gloom of losing his son.

3

The dew drops were falling off through the leaves. After their training sessions were over, all the trainees were asleep in that long shed roofed with a blue tarpaulin whose edges were tightly pulled and tied to pickets. I glanced at Balan lying near me. He had gone into a deep slumber without even realising his mouth was slobbering in its corner. My eyes grew wide open, astonished at what I saw in the training ground while slowly getting up without disturbing his sleep.

After we slept the previous night, Velavan Master’s trainees might have arranged those rifles in order. They were kept erect neatly in rows in a long corridor of the leaves-thatched shed near the training ground. The body quivered as if the sun entered into it at seeing them. I ran in, woke Balan up, and narrated what I saw. He came out swiftly and glanced at those rifles.

Shining in wooden hues in their middles and bottoms, those dark iron weapons seemed to be waiting for us with temerity. We smiled at each other. I stroked my left elbow instinctively. It had been an arduous training of running, jumping, crawling, and somersaulting that lasted through several weeks along with Kottan. We just lived in utter despise, thinking Kottan was responsible for all our callous skin and scars. We found solace in all our chatters that the rifle would save us from all perils the moment we could clasp it in our hands.

An old wound in the rough elbow was found dried up. Everyone rose.

The running session that day was more enthusiastic than usual. Balan was hopping, running elatedly. Velavan Master then arrived in and announced something specific about rifles. We received it in our hands one after another. When it was given to our hands after making entry of its numbers, we felt its nippiness sending a shiver through our body like a bullet.

When we came back to our shed after lunch, we found Balan cleaning every part of the rifle so attentively with a piece of cloth in white and yellow. I watched him cleaning it very closely, intently. He would wipe it vigorously and then blow on its butt and keenly observe it, squinting one of his eyes as if to verify whether any dust particle was still sticking to it and escaping his close scrutiny. He would then clean it again, rubbing vigorously. If he got a glance of me enjoying all his manoeuvres through his corner eyes, he would just give out a silent grin, curling his lips. Gradually I began to feel that a component of my life had got severed from me and started living in that iron body.

R-56. It wasn’t a new rifle. It must be a military rifle captured in one of the camp attacks. Yet, it had been captured from someone, forcefully. We didn’t know how many men would have died or been blown up before it fell into our hands. But it was very certain that it had come to us at the cost of deaths. Those who fight on the field would only know not only their freedom but also that their weapon comes at the cost of laying down their lives. I began to feel the waning worth of my existence since the day the rifle became a part of my life.

I had learnt to converse privately with my rifle when there were no trainings or conflicts around. I started sharing my experiences of reading books with my rifle. After cleaning it thoroughly, if I started reading along with my rifle, it would only last through some odd pages, paragraphs, and sometimes a couple of sentences. We could only enjoy that much luxury of time. Balan would also listen to me lying near.

When a stray bullet takes away my life, piercing my body tomorrow, this rifle might fall into the hands of the enemy. He might shoot me once again with this rifle to ensure I am dead and then take this rifle to his camp. Worse, when my body lies dead in an uninhabited land, this rifle might cry for me lying near to my body. Its iron parts might shed tears listening to a story I recite that time.

I believed that the rifle had a life in its body. Balan too, like me, strongly believed that he had an inseparable life with his rifle.

4

That day was my birthday. I was stationed at Balamottai forward post to watch the movements of the army. We were hiding in a bunker along with an M-16 Colt Commando assault rifle captured in the previous conflict. We were enormously attached to that American-made rifle. Apart from it being a captured weapon in a fight, it had been a very precious weapon that anyone could barely boast of. An exquisite happiness of holding such a weapon kept blooming in us.

We were aware that the enemy would know every sound of our steps. Balan, as usual, was very attentive and careful, more than me, in my safety. He might have felt that he must do something eccentric that night. He got up exactly at twelve midnight, wished me happy birthday, went out with the M-16, and fired a full round of bullets into the sky. The bullets were shot into the sky, streaking like fireworks, and disappeared. He then looked back and told me proudly, “Look here, ordinary people would burst Chinese-made crackers for their birthdays. But I have burst American bullets for your birthday.” An indescribable ecstasy in his eyes!

Balan was shot dead by an enemy sniper in the conflict that occurred the next morning. He fell down dead right in front of my eyes. His body didn’t have any movement. The sniper must have sharpened his eyes through his rifle’s aperture, looking for another kill who would come out of his hideout to carry the dead body. I thought of jumping onto where Balan was lying dead to pull him to my side. A bitter liquid started secreting on my tongue; a deep burning sensation crept into my chest and stomach. My whole body grew immobile as if frozen while seeing Balan lying dead.

Balan’s death had sown in me a sort of massive emptiness. The last smile he threw at me the previous night was still floating in my heart. My love for rifles had also left me since that day, and of course, the life in the liberation movement too.

5

On one of those routine days of staying under a similar tarpaulin provided by the benevolent United Nations in an Indonesian refugee camp after having been fully uprooted from both war and my motherland, I had met Vaishali, a legal assistant working there. When she came there as a translator for a meeting with an official from the UN, I struck up a conversation with her. To my utter shock, she brought a cake on my birthday, though our acquaintance with each other was nothing beyond some odd telephonic conversations and occasional meetings. I had been happy the whole day. It was the day I felt fully pleased in a foreign land. Suddenly I rose from the bed just before going to sleep and deeply delved into thoughts. When I realised that my mind had been fully occupied with the thoughts of Vaishali, blissfully oblivious of the death anniversary of Balan that day, I grew intimidated. I was sweating slightly. The next morning, I understood my heart was fully occupied with Vaishali again.  

Vaishali hailed from Yazhpanam, a divorcee. She worked as a translator in the United Nations office in Indonesia and later learnt the laws related to immigrants and was now working as a legal assistant to the refugees. People in the camp gossiped that she had married an Indonesian government employee a second time and later got divorced from him. I was inclined to believe that my indifference not to get involved in her personal affairs might be the reason for her affection towards me.

One day Vaishali told me under the shade of an egg fruit tree standing in front of the refugee camp, in a lowered voice, “How long would it take to leave this camp for getting into another country? Without knowing when its furtive means would open up, please don’t ever get settled down under another tarpaulin somewhere. The Indonesian government is recruiting suitable persons for its Narcotics Control Bureau. If you join there after you are freed from here, you can earn a handsome amount of money and get an opportunity to work closely with the government. So, it is wiser to try it now.”

I could understand that her words sounded like an invisible concern coming out of her untold love for me.

Vaishali was so familiar with the local culture that she would be able to assess the time of a tree bearing an unripe fruit and the methods of getting it ripe the next day. She was fully aware of my life. If she could suggest a way to go forward, there would neither be check posts nor any snipers on my way, I strongly believed. My proficiency in the Indonesian language, which I could acquire during my two-year stay in the refugee camp, proved an important asset.

After being freed from the refugee camp, I was lodging in a room in front of Vaishali’s residence. She thought that I had preferred staying away from her. She might have thought that I shouldn’t be under the impression that I had taken a residence for the sake of my love. A heavy rain that lashed the vicinity on the day I was staying in her house caused severe seepage in my room, making rainwater fall into my room like waterfalls, leaving my only cot badly damaged. After that, I went to bed with her that night and slept there.

The next day the sky looked spotlessly clean and beautiful. Vaishali downloaded the relevant documents to apply for narcotics prevention training under the Indonesian Immigration Department and carefully filled in the details and got them attested by authorities wherever required. Other than personally attending the training, she did complete all the requirements of the application.

The classes began at a training centre of the Immigration Department in Sukubota, situated a little distance away from the Indonesian capital, Jakarta. There, I became friendly with Kattona, a man with buck teeth and a never-dying smile on everything. He was born, brought up in Indonesia, and had even tasted life in incarceration there. His nose with a tiny curve at its tip resembled Balan’s nose. He would burst out laughing for everything. It seemed that he would give out a laugh first before crying.

It was only after the start of training that I could understand that the job was in no way better than catching stray dogs on the streets—catching drug peddlers with no sign of mercy. Our work involved catching people with narcotics, stuffing them into vehicles, and throwing them into prisons by charging them under various draconian laws of the land. Going by the conservative estimate given by that upright, iron-bodied Indonesian officer who had taken our classes for a week, I presumed that half of Indonesia’s population must have been thrown into perdition.

One day, after lunch hours, Kattona, while puffing on his cigarette, advised me, “Even if you arrest someone and throw him into jail, he would somehow manage his release by way of bribing some officials. So, instead of wasting time resenting the laws and spoiling health, one should think of only his salary and his household chores.” Though his words fell off as an innuendo amidst his trademark smiles, I could appreciate the compelling truth behind it.

He took out a photograph of three women from his pocket, showed it to me, and smiled till his dented nose became red.

“Are all three your daughters?” I asked him, surprised.

“Cheee… The one in the middle is my wife.” Now his face blushed redder.

In the sixth week, we were exposed to shooting with firearms on Bamukka Island, situated very near to Jakarta. I never imagined that the classes would graduate into a full-fledged arms training. That iron-bodied tutor told us specific tasks would be allotted to the trainees on the basis of their performance. I informed Vaishali of everything. I was scared at the possibility of them digging out my past that dragged me till Balamottai.

“No one would come to apprehend you on the basis of your skills in shooting. It is almost like a government job. Salary will be more. Don’t waste your time anymore.” Vaishali assuaged my fears in her usual style and put a full stop to my anxiety.

At times, Vaishali could gauge my moods very effectively when I was troubled with my past, which was laden with my life with guns. She would take the role of a doctor with assuaging words to dismantle the heaviness of my thoughts. Her words would carry plenty of finer aspects that I had never experienced in my life. The thoughts that were pulled apart in her presence would come again and hover over my head as low-lying clouds.

Kattona once said that the Indonesian Special Forces were using Italian-made Beretta guns, and the guns for other ordinary police forces were locally manufactured in Indonesia.

We were divided into two groups on the basis of our performance in the training at the end of the seventh week. A part of them was allotted to work on the field in urban areas as Special Narcotics Control Bureau personnel. The officer wearing medals in different colours standing in front of the class called out to everyone by their names. I was eagerly watching his lips for my name to fall out of it.

My name didn’t come out of his mouth. I looked at Kattona. I saw him for the first time struggling to smile. Those who found their names on the list were led to another classroom. Three officers in dark uniforms entered as the last person on the list was leaving the class. They looked stiff-bodied, as if they were the siblings of my iron-bodied tutor. They seemed to have understood that we stood utterly confused. One of those officers, whose haggard right cheek bore five or six big scars as if stung by honeybees, began addressing us.

“We have decided to have you both in the specialised team that executes capital punishment on the basis of your performance in shooting training. We seek your opinion on this"—the officer spoke straightaway without mincing words. When he was done with his speech, I felt a stone get stuck in my throat.

“The Commander of the special force will explain to you the special allowances and concessions you are eligible for. I don’t expect you to reply immediately today itself,” he concluded his intimidating speech with a mild smile. Others standing there gave their customary speeches after him. I ran out of the hall, got a cigarette from Kattona, lit it, and picked up the phone to dial Vaishali.

Vaishali repeated her cool words again, with a couple of additional important words of advice.

“In life, we would come across such unexpected opportunities. Since you are not accustomed to such things, you get shocked at it. It is just a plain opportunity given to you for your skills. Other teams didn’t get it. Right? This is an opportunity destined for you, and it has come to you. Do I have to teach you how life with weapons would be?

My second cigarette was also over.

It was dreadful to think that the weapons could still pull me towards their swirls, though I had come a long distance away from them. Further, the thoughts of Balan still remained fresh in my memory, rendering me crippled not to come out of guilt I was wracked with. Those thoughts of despondency were trying to raise up in me again as bands of thick smoke.

After dinner, Vaishali and I went out for a stroll. She could assess the mental turmoil brewing in me. Before I began talking about it, she remarked, “You have grown rusty with rifles.” I could feel her presence deep in me when she uttered those words suddenly. She spoke, looking straight into my eyes.

“We presume that we hold rights over many things in life. This society and the laws of this land invariably accept it and acknowledge it. But the truth is something else. Practicality is something different.” Some workers were filing the sand in the ditch dug for giving an outlet to the water tank kept in a corner of her house. We crossed the street and went to the other side.

“It includes husband, children, and friendship…everything.” - Resuming her talk from the point where she had left, she concluded with an amiable tone, “They might belong to us, but we can’t own them.”

She was walking silently. I understood that it was a silence to prompt me to introspect. Balan, rifles, and struggles—all came over my mind in sequence, one after another.

6

The commander of the execution squad and his team led us to Komodo Island. We were imparted an extremely secret training there. The training modules included exhaustive deliberations on procedures to bring the prisoners who were awarded death punishment by shooting as per Indonesian laws, how to send their dead bodies in coffins, and other tasks the team had to execute collectively. The trainer said that one should be mentally strong and poised to execute the punishments. He further explained various cruel methods of putting one to death that once existed under the reigns of ancient kings. Our government had devised methods that rendered the criminals to face death with minimum pain compared to those brutal ones of ancient times, he reasoned.

As a part of our training, a live telecast of the awarding of the death punishment given to a Filipino that month had been arranged. The criminal tied tightly to a pole from head to neck is shot simultaneously by nine members of the execution squad and dies as his head hangs in the front. The show got just over, leaving me reminiscing about it, no way second to any English movies, and a tiny part of an array of incidents that I had come across in my past. A tingling sensation caused by an old thorn jabbed my feet, flashed for a second in my mind, and disappeared. Then, they announced that they were going to take us to the real execution fields in Indonesia and show us the arrangements made there.

Later, we were led to Nusa Island, lying near Indonesia. We were given our uniforms. The military vehicles would pass through a small, narrow land strip made of gravel from the mainland to reach that island. Kattona told me that the villagers called that uninhabited island “The Island of Demons.” The criminals carrying the death penalty for the heinous crimes they committed in Indonesia were incarcerated in a big prison complex there. Most of them were languishing, serving their terms in that prison for a long time. Others were brought there as criminals carrying death punishment. Sooner the date of execution is decided by the government, they would be led to “Vadimutram”—the place of execution—straight away from their sleep in the early mornings and would be delivered with summary execution.

Blood and death are very familiar to me. I have bathed in it happily. I have grown with a perception that life is nothing but one’s body. I share an intimate relationship with rifles. I had felt a streak of love only with Balan. I lost it in a brutal way. Now Vaishali has been filling in that gap. Without them, I would just be as inanimate as a rifle. My feelings never existed in me; rather, they existed outside. It seemed that I lived my life liking it that way.

So, the procedures built around this death punishment and the dark truths surrounding it just did look like festivities happening on the other side of the world.

We, the squad delivering death, were called “Mobi Squad.” The letters ‘Mobi 16’ were inscribed on my dark uniform. We were all given M-16 assault rifles for execution. American-made rifle. Shined in our hands. When I received it in my hands, I felt Balan was standing near, smiling at me. I turned back instinctively. Kattona was standing near. The uniforms have been made as tightly as possible, sticking to our frames and accommodating other essentials along with rifles. They had been made in such a manner that a deep sense of fear would be evoked in the minds of prisoners the moment they looked at us in uniforms. A gear fully covering the head, barring eyes and noses, had also been provided. Kattona could be identified only with the help of the digits he bore.

We came to know that a Nigerian national charged with the crime of possessing narcotics was to be executed that day we had gone to Nusa Island. When we were taken to that island in the early morning, we could comfortably infer that the entire task would be over shortly.

That Nigerian in the blue T-shirt and black pants was brought to the Vadimutram. Well-toned, muscular-bodied man. We couldn’t see how he looked minutes before he entered the gateway of his death. The officials with their faces fully covered were standing around him. They were scrupulously checking the arrangements with the sole aim of not allowing him to escape his death under any circumstances. After tying him to a pole, a pastor went near to him and recited some psalms. All the nine gunners collected their respective rifles that were kept in rows. They aligned their front foot with the white line drawn in front of the pole. One of them went near to the Nigerian and placed his finger in a circle drawn in white colour on his chest. All the laser beams streaking from their rifles focussed on that circle. In seconds, that officer returned to the white line where the squad was standing. Laser beams, looking static, were still focussed on Nigerian’s chest.

I had heard that the criminals to be executed would be given sedatives in order not to feel the pain of death. I could hear a mild moan unceasingly coming out of the Nigerian’s face mask. I first thought that it was the sound of the pastor singing psalms. His moans were clearly audible now. His last moans of misery for this world that floated around the air were coming out of him in intermittent bouts of heavy breath and whimpers.

During our training, we were taught that the bullets would be discharged only from three gunners as though all nine gunners would fire shots from their rifles. Both the shooters and the ones who kept the rifles ready wouldn’t be even aware of those rifles from which the bullets were to be fired. In a flash of a freaking sound, we found the Nigerian’s head covered in black cloth, leaning left, and hung immobile.

All the shooters were still standing on the white line without movement. The head of the firing squad went near the executed Nigerian along with a doctor wearing a black overcoat. As soon as the doctor declared the Nigerian dead, the gunners came in queue, kept the rifles neatly where they had picked them, and entered the hall.

The thick black smoke rose up in me again.

‘Who’s this man? Why do I have to shoot him down? This place is neither meant for valiant actions with guns nor reading books. All they need is just a life tied to a pole. I just need to chest up with pride that I have served the laws of Indonesia the moment I see him lying dead. Perhaps my pride will be complemented with more money.

The hatred and bitterness for guns that sprang up in my heart at seeing Balan’s dead body had now started enervating my very soul. I couldn’t come out of the mess I created. Someone who had received military training would nevertheless treat his feeling just like a worm crawling on his body. He might sometimes find comfort with it, scratching the spots it crawled. But it loses its value beyond it. I remembered the voids that were filled in with my thoughts while walking along with Vaishali.

The head of our squad asked us to go to bed early in the evening for adequate rest since the prisoner who was to be executed the next day had already been brought to the island. They led us somewhere outside Nusa Island and housed us in a military base very near to the island. While everyone retired to their rooms, I went to mine, bathed, changed my dress, and dialled Vaishali. When I told her I would be able to return only after completing the assigned task, I realised she could catch the change in my tone.

“It’s nothing. We can discuss it after I come."

“I guess you face no troubles,” she asked me again.

“No,” I told, tossing my body onto the cot.

It was seven’ o'clock when I woke up. Bathed again and went out. The meals were kept ready in the dining hall of the military base.

“The prisoner who’s going to be executed tomorrow is an Australian.” Kattona brought his mouth very near to my ears and told in a hushed tone. Would the nationality of a man make any difference once I have decided to wield the gun to shoot? Among those nine rifles, there was no guarantee that the rounds would be fired from my rifle—a probability that assuaged my temporarily growing anxiety. I kept washing the plate and stepped out of the dining hall.

The head of the squad asked us all to don our uniforms. The black Powell military van sped away towards Nusa Island at about half past ten.

8

People were crowding in front of the gravel strip leading to the island. Big electric lights backed by generators were throwing their bright lights onto the streets. The place was abuzz with sudden business activities—fruit shops on the platform and roadside eateries where one had to stand to eat—all that showed up there all of a sudden. If any foreigner got a death punishment in the ‘Island of Demons,’ the island would witness an enthusiastic crowd flocking to its gateway. These ‘new’ shops would remain open for at least two days to cater to the needs of the crowd. “These shopkeepers would see a good business during these days,” Kattona told.

Some boys with baskets of pineapples on their heads were found striding through the crowd, busy selling the fruits. Since entry to the “Island of Demons” was banned, a multitude of journalists were waiting very near to the gravel strip with their cameras fixed on tripods. Sooner our car neared the land strip, their cameras began flashing against us. The escort van speeding behind us gave out a loud siren and dispersed the crowd that surrounded us. Local policemen were also deployed there to control the mob. They were standing on both sides of the road, preventing the curious onlookers at bay and paving the way for us to march ahead. Opposite to the media men, some were standing under a tarpaulin resembling that of one given by the United Nations. We, somehow, managed to cross the barricade placed by the police across the land strip and entered the island.

Nusa military base and Vadimutram were fully illumined with floodlights like the previous night. The lights were so bright that they shone like day, enabling one to see even the tips of grass blades clearly. The squad leader read out the list and thus got my place confirmed among those nine men who had to go to the white line. Following it, a doctor came and checked our pulse, holding our wrists. He ensured we had normal blood pressure.

Exactly twenty minutes past midnight, we, all nine, were led to the white line. American-made M16 rifles were kept neatly in a row. When we reached the white line wielding our rifles, we found the condemned Australian whose head was fully covered with a mask tightly tied to a pole and kept ready to receive our bullets. Our squad leader checked our face masks once again to ensure that they didn’t obstruct our view.

A Christian pastor went to the prisoner tied to the pole and took a circle around him, singing some psalms. As he left the prisoner, our squad leader and the doctor took positions on our sides and stood near to us. I sharpened my ears to hear the prisoner, but no sound came from him.

When the reverse countdown from three to one gets over, we should have completed our task in the laser circle. It was very difficult to reconcile with the fact that my hands, which once carried weapons for the freedom of a country, were now carrying weapons for some other purpose in a different country. But where is the weapon that could save me from the drudgeries lying between weapons and life?

Thoughts came through, gushing again in the heart. A bitterness seemed to have stuck on my tongue. My jaws grew stiff, and heartbeats became faster. I could feel my face emitting hot air in the face mask.

“Thdmm…” a sharp bursting noise.

I felt a strong recoil of the rifle’s butt on my chest! I stood frozen that moment. Oh! My God!

9

My squad leader and the doctor went to the pole to ascertain the prisoner’s death. The assistants in Vadimutram came in a queue, untied the rope fastened with the pole, gently tilted it, and left with the dead body on a canvas stretcher.

When our Powell military van came out of the island through the narrow land strip, the supporters of the Indonesian Welfare Association who were in favour of the death penalty assembled in front of it, shrieked cheerfully, and burst crackers. The media took photos of our van from all directions, spinning their cameras at various angles. It just appeared that it was a dance of night in that street due to the relentless noises of vehicles.

I stood totally shocked when I saw a woman standing under the tarpaulin on the other side of the street come running towards our van, scoop out handfuls of sand from the ground, and throw it on our vehicle, cursing us in Tamil, “You, the ruined! You have killed my son! Your families would never prosper!” The feeble Tamil curse, “You, the ruined! You have killed my son! Your families would never prosper!” kept ringing in my ears.

I kneeled down, my hands soaked in blood that hadn’t dried yet, glanced in the direction from where the hapless yells of that mother came, and prayed, “O! My land! My land! Please don’t curse me anymore.”

Yet, her voice was still stalking me like an echo of despair. 

                                                                 ***Ended***