It must have been more than fifteen days since the fish bone
got stuck in my throat. It must have got stuck while eating fish. I thus became
so allergic to eating fish due to this that I wouldn’t even touch any fish if
they have bones, no matter how tastier they are. Some fish have bones only
in the middle. Just like a feather of a chicken. Some fishes have lots of bones
in the interiors of their flesh. Karthikai Vaalai and Mullu Vaalai belong
to this category of fishes. But there is one fish that does not fall into any
of these categories…it is Kola Fish (Flying Fish). This fish also has
a middle bone. But one side of the fish would have bones in the flesh and the
other part would only have flesh. This Kola Fish will not be available
throughout the year. It will be available only during Vaikasi and Aani
months… (roughly in the months of May and June). Once Aadi month
nears, arrival of Kola fish would dwindle down. There is a saying to denote
this: ‘Once Aadi month comes, Kola would go to its mother’s home.’
Catching Kola Fish is itself a captivating experience. I had
gone into the sea in a catamaran just to watch catching Kola fish. No one would
use mechanised boats to catch Kola fish. What is the reason? ...One has to
travel into the sea at least twenty miles to sixty miles to catch Kola Fish. If
Mechanised boats are used, what will be the expenses on diesel to travel that
distance? ... If six or seven persons get into the sea at 3 o'clock in the
morning in Catamaran, sometimes it would take even two days for them to return.
One could catch three thousand to twenty thousand fishes on one occasion. They
used to carry green leaves and grass leaves along with them in the catamaran.
They would tie them with a square-shaped wooden plank and leave it afloat like
an island of green leaves. On seeing this ‘greenery,’ koi fish would throng
into it, jumping to shoot their eggs in the green leaves. Many a time, one
would be able to see the eggs that are sticking to that ‘island’ when it is
brought ashore.
One more interesting aspect about catching Kola Fish is that
the net will not be ‘thrown’ to catch it. This is the only fish which
is caught by identifying through naked eyes. A lampara type of net is used to
catch it. One needs to keep moving with that lampara net open, and can collect
the fishes falling inside. This type of fishing net is unsophisticated one.
Sometimes, not a single Kola Fish would be caught. The reason...Burla Fish. Not
a single Kola Fish would come near if Burla fish is found moving around in the
vicinity. There is a belief that Kola Fish will be available in plenty during
full moon day. For them, Kola Season is their ‘harvesting’ season. A person
would be able to earn up to three hundred rupees if he goes to sea to catch
Kola fish during that season. At the same time, one must understand that there
are only a very few dangerous jobs in the world that could match the dangers of
catching Kola fish. It is said that fisherfolk used to put Vaaikkarisi
(turmeric mixed rice put in the mouth of a person after his death) before
sending them into the sea for catching Kola fish. Such customs are no more
prevalent these days. Once the Vaikasi month arrives, the talk of the town
would be only Kola Fish. Even if the wind blows faster, people used to grumble
about its speed for its way of throwing sand on their face and mouth. They used
to be contemptuous about the wind as ‘Satanic Kola wind.’
It has been fifteen days since Uncle and Aunt had arrived in.
The time went by faster, just like fifteen minutes. It was on the day of their
arrival that the fish bone got stuck in my throat. Immediately after their
arrival, the uncle went out for shopping. He wouldn't touch the food if fish
was not served. Among other fishes, Kola Fish was very dear to his heart. It
was on that day the fish bone was stuck when I was having meals with him. After
that, I never touched fish. The very thought of fish bones kills all my
interest in fish. My aunt won’t eat fish. Whenever she ate fish upon being
compelled by us, she wouldn’t miss out on vomiting it out after the
meals.
My aunt was just opposite to my uncle. Aunt was passionate
about reading books. If my uncle was known to have read something, it would be
nothing but a weekly almanac. Even in writing too, uncle used to be prudent,
like reading. I have been keeping all the letters written by Aunt safely. Do
you know how many times I have read all those letters that were filled with
poetic exuberance? But what about Uncle! He would open his pen either just to
write his signature or to write a letter to his mother (his letter would be
like this… Respected Mother! This is a letter from your son! I am alright here.
Please let me know about your well-being. I will be coming there on the coming
10th. Nothing more to share. Thank you…) Later I understood that those
letters to his mother were not written by him, but my aunt on his dictation.
Funnier than this, his mother would write him a letter. ‘You do not have time
to write a letter to me. Do you? Don’t make your wife write letters to me
anymore. In case you wish to write a letter, please write it with your own
hands’. Only after getting harsh scolding from his mother did he start writing
even this regular letter with his own handwriting. We can enlist such things
one after another…
“Dei Raja! ...I am going out. Will you accompany me?” - My
uncle’s unclear voice cut short my thought. My aunt, who came there at that
time, told him uninvitedly, “Raja is unwell. He won’t come.”
“Ok…Ok… Keep him locked. Uncle went out angrily.
If Uncle could not wander in the town during the evening from
six to nine, he would be restless as if his head would break into pieces. My
aunt was pitiable anyway… How was she able to spend her time alone all the time
without becoming mad? These days, I watched one thing from her talk—she was not
addressing me with the suffix ‘daa.’ Ten years of age difference was
big enough anyway to call me in singular. Wasn’t it? But I like that way of
being addressed. I felt a soft touch on my forehead; I raised my head. It was
an aunt.
“Raja…your forehead is very hot” … She sat beside me as she
was casually speaking and cossetted my palm into hers. I was ready to be burnt
alive for getting this proximity of my aunt in the darkness on the veranda, let
alone the temperature on my forehead.
Both of us did not talk for long.
Suddenly, Aunt asked me, “You told me that a fish bone had
stuck in your throat. “Did you get it removed?”
I bobbed my head, “No…”
“Then do what I say…while eating, make a big ball of warm
plain rice and swallow it. It will go.
I didn't reply to this advice. I am thinking why I shouldn’t
kiss the hands of my aunt that were holding my hands. But…”
‘What is stopping me from doing that?’
I have read ‘love has no taboos.’. If then, was the
feeling I had on my aunt love...? Love…chee… They have abused this word too
much in serial stories and cinema.
‘Is it sex-love?’
No… I could not think like that. It must be a tender
devotion. But what could its boundary be?
I am getting confused about it unnecessarily. The feeling of
love I have for my aunt was not a recent development. Was it?
That day, I must have been six years old. My aunt used to
tease me regularly, “Raja…who are you going to marry?... I used to tell her
every time, “I will marry only you…it is only you.”
I didn’t forget even a bit of it.
“Aunty… I will marry only you. But when I marry you, your
hand and skin should not become withered and sagging like Grandma. It should be
like this…’, I would show her fleshy, rounded hands.
Aunt would laugh at this and tell my mother. “Did you get
what Raja is telling?” She would narrate everything from the start and
repeatedly share my words amidst her incessant laughter.
I am thinking about it now again. But why doesn’t Aunt ask
the same question any longer now?
Even if Aunt asks me who I am going to marry now, will I be
able to reply like earlier?
‘Aunty… I will marry you only because your heart remains the
same even though your hands are not looking like the way they did fifteen years
ago’.
Due to the sudden, deafening barking of street dogs, my sleep
got disturbed. I wondered how I came to that place to sleep. I could remember
what I was last talking to my aunt about. However, I could not remember how I
came here dozing and slept. How can I sleep after that? It was getting dawn. I
was wallowing in the cot for some time and got up. Went to the backyard with a
brush and toothpaste. While brushing, I could feel the prickling sensation of
fish bone in the throat. After brushing, I cleaned my tongue with my thumb. I
wouldn’t use tongue cleaner for this. A tongue cleaner can clean only a
particular area of the tongue. The interiors of the inner tongue cannot be
cleaned with tongue cleaner. So the better option that remained was thumb. But,
in case of any rough, unpolished fingernail, it could cause a bruise on the
tongue. Blood along with saliva would come out…then blood with saliva! A
suspicion would ensue whether that bleeding was due to tuberculosis or any
bruise in the tongue. To avoid this, one should keep thumb without any dint.
Whatever it is, today I have to take the fishbone out somehow. I scooped out
with my thumb and little finger one after the other. Nothing came out except a
good amount of vomit.
The fishbone still remained there.
On earlier occasions too, fish bones had stuck in my throat.
But it never bothered me like this, as if killing me alive for fifteen or
twenty days. I remember one such funny incident when I was young. That time, I
was staying at my grandma’s house. One day they had made roast made of yam for
meals. I wasn't aware of yam at that age. Since it was tastier, I ate too much
of it. Not a minute after the meal was complete, I started yelling
‘aiyo…amma…’. A very intense inching deep in the throat. Without knowing that
it was an itching, I was yelling it was a thorn. The servant maid only came to
rescue, telling that it was due to yam, and thus removed everyone’s fear and
assuaged me.
After having tiffin, I was talking with my aunt, sitting
inside the house. My younger brother told me that someone had come to meet me.
Thinking that it could be some unknown person, I came out to see who it was…
Surprisingly, it was Baby…
“It is quite surprising to see you here… You used to roam
around in the market till 11 o'clock. Don’t you?”
“I didn’t go to the market. It is alright… Come with me up to
the date palm orchard.”
“Just wait… I will come in a minute." I went in and told
my aunt, “I need to go out. I will be back soon.”
“Come back soon, Raja…”
Aunt didn't like me to go out at all. But the seriousness
seen on the face of Baby!!
I went out.
We came to the date palm orchard, still talking. The date
palm orchard existed there only for namesake. Not a single date palm tree was
found there. It must have been a date palm orchard earlier. Now what remained
was only its name. We could change its name to Tamarind Grove. There were
plenty of tamarind trees. We sat under one tamarind tree. He leaned against a
big root of the tree and sat like a Chettiar, leaning his back on a stone.
Initially he started describing his problems slowly and then gained momentum
and poured out his anguish. The matter was a silly piece of a problem. His
father had a lot of land property. Unlike him, who toiled on land, his undying
desire was to see his son become a doctor. But this fellow did not even pass
P.U.C. He was telling that he fell asleep the moment he picked up biology or
zoology books. His interest was in farming. As he was not interested in
pursuing M.B.B.S., his father had started treating him as his arch enemy.
Following this, there was no scarcity of frequent scuffles between them. They
had not come to a point to wrestle physically yet. That was it.
He was taking many decisions indecisively.
I diverted the topic. “It is alright… I feel thirsty. Let’s
go home to have water.”
After drinking water, he asked for a matchbox and lit a
cigarette. But for me, after drinking water, the fish bone started causing more
discomfort in the throat.
I felt like vomiting.
He knew about my problem—a kola fish bone
getting stuck in my throat. I have been complaining about this issue anyway all
the time. Haven’t I?”
“Raja… Seeing this fish bone getting stuck for such a long
time, I suspect whether it was a fish bone or something else. Perhaps it could
be hair found in the food.”
My fears started increasing once I heard about hair. He
didn’t leave it with that. He added, “It might be your illusion too.”
I became annoyed.
“I was watching a movie along with your father last night. If
that was true, how was it possible that you both were fighting yesterday? You
must have dreamt. Mustn’t you?”
I didn’t get angry. My irritation grew more instead.
“What, Raja! ...this much late! ... You must not go out
hereafter. You should be at home till we leave for our home tomorrow"—the”
aunt’s order came before I entered the house.
“Why this urgency now? You could leave after five or six days.”
“What can I do, Raja… It is your uncle insisting it.
“Yes…you are also repeatedly insisting on going to your home.
Don’t you?”
Aunt did not reply to this question.
I came back to Veranda after taking a bath in the well in the
backyard. Aunt was not there. Thinking that she must be lying in the room, I
came there.
There…
Aunty was weeping like a child with her body shivering and
head placed on the table.
“Aunty…what is this? … I lifted her head, holding it
tenderly.
“Now, are you satisfied, Raja…? Your understanding about me
is only this much. Is it not?”
I hated myself. I had hurt such a soft heart.
I didn’t remove my hands from her head.
Still some more minutes… The house would wear a deserted
look…
Here they are. Uncle and aunt are leaving. I also leave along
with them, till the railway station.
The train would leave at eight. We had reached the station
one hour in advance. Younger brother and uncle got a seat near the window. Aunt
was standing with me. “Will you write me letters frequently?” she asked me and
held my hands with hers. Eyes were full of tears!
I felt like hugging Aunt and crying to my heart's content. I
controlled my tears that welled up in my eyes, biting my lower lip.
We didn’t know how long we were standing like that. At once,
Aunt wiped away her tears, went inside, and sat at the seat beside her younger
brother. He came out of the train.
I went near the window and held her hands.
‘Why shouldn’t I kiss these hands? Should I?’
The train started moving slowly. I removed my hands. The
train gained speed gradually.
I could see a hand waving until the light was visible.
I came back home, went to my room, switched off the light,
and sat on the chair.
A voice of a woman was heard with an elongated tune: “kolaa…kolaa…seven
kolaa for a rupee…kolaa.”
I went to the backyard and tried scooping it out with my
little finger.
Only vomit came out.
What about the fish bone…
*** End **