This is an English translation of Puthumai Pithan’s iconic short story “Saaba Vimosanam”. Translated into English by Saravanan Karmegam.
Translator's note: I have avoided commonly accepted anglicised
spellings of Puranic characters and used Tamil names instead in this translation. For example, it is Akalikai, not Akalya. It
is Raman and Laxmanan, not Ram and Laxman)
***
REDEMPTION
(Those who are familiar with Ramayanam may not understand,
and may not even like this story. I am not bothered about it)
Part-
1
A stone statue on the road-
Aesthetically sculpted, capable of inspiring vitality even in the weakened,
aging muscle groups; and making one feel exalted to an extent that a brilliant
sculptor had taken his birth on this earth just to sculpt all his dreams into a
stone such as this one. But there is a grief in her eyes- an inexplicable one- floating
around, killing the carnal desire of lust of who see it and making them
poignant too. It is not a splendid dream of the sculptor; it is a result of
curse; she is Akalikai.
Like a misery sculpted in
stone on the path in wild, she is lying on the lap of nature which has been
witnessing her misery like a sage with its indifferent eyes. The Sun shines.
The snow falls down. The rain descends. Dust, grunge, sparrows and owls sit
upon it and fly away. She is standing like an unconscious penitent, as a
stone.
There is a termite mound
nearby. Immersed in meditation, oblivious of his consciousness and misery Gautaman
is sitting in penance. The Nature treats him too with the same
indifference.
Just like their family that
fell off without support, the roof of their hut which had given them shelter
too fell off without pillars, lying moth eaten, became nothing and merged with
the wind. Walls too are on their last legs. Remnants are only the sand mounds looking
like a scar of distress that has crept into their heart.
At a distance, heard the burbling sound of river
Ganga. Mother Ganga, she doesn’t know about their boundless sorrow. Does
she?
Many such ions passed by,
for the couple.
One day….
The pre-noon Sun light was
slightly harsher, though. However, the green creepers, their shadow and
tenderly blowing wind delicately presented a sort of icy touch to the heart
like a religious philosophy which tried to obstruct the miseries of this world
and offered hope and strength.
Pondering over the
happiness at the completion of the task he had undertaken, the sage Viswamitrar
walked around majestically like a lion. Whereabouts of Mareesan and Shubaagu
was not known. Thadaakai, the aged torment had been eliminated. He found solace
in being an instrument of giving peace to the people who were involved in the
inquiry of righteousness through meditation and performing Yagnas.
Frequently he turns back.
What sort of a kindness in his eyes! Two children are playing around. They are no
one else; they are Raman and Laxmanan -the children of incarnation. After
initiating the decimation of Asuras, they are now playing around without
understanding the responsibility it carries.
Their running springs up
the dust. Laxmanan is running in the front. The one who chases him is Raman.
The layer of dust falls upon the sculpture….
What
a blissfulness could it be? - Viswamitrar turns back
enthrallingly and looks at. He is standing still and still looking at…
The layer of dust falls
upon the sculpture.
The heart which had once
stopped and turned into a stone starts palpitating again inside the sculpture.
The blood which once stopped abruptly at one point and clotted to become stone
starts flowing once again. The warmth of life spreads across the stone and it turns
into a ball of flesh. Consciousness is regained.
Akalikai closes her eyes
and then opens. She became conscious. Redemption! Redemption!
O
God! This polluted group of flesh has got consecrated.
Who
is the divine being who has come over to offer me a new leash of life again? Is
it that child?
She lies prostrate, in
front of him. Raman, looking astonished, looks up to the sage.
Viswamitrar could understand
everything. She is Akalikai - The innocent girl cheated by the Lord Indran who
came in impersonation; the one who had defiled her body after being cheated by
his impersonation due to her insurmountable love for her husband; She is the wife
of Gautaman. He tells everything to Raman. There stands a termite mound.
Gautaman is still sitting there in meditation, completely oblivious of self
like a maggot in silent penance inside the egg of web. Ahh…here he is…he has
got up!!
The eyes that have just
opened after penance are rolling like a sharpened knife. Indurated body full of
strength as if being toned by arduous exercises. Majestically, yet
hesitatingly, he comes near, like a person who is still unable to release
himself from the clutches of disgrace done to a woman.
The same web of misery
again? The mind doesn’t think how the life will be after redemption. Now it has
encircled his life like a mammoth fortification. Her mind too becomes feeble
with fear.
Raman’s upbringing looked
at the things with the eyes of righteousness. It wore the light of clarity. But
it hadn’t yet been sharpened at the pedestal of experiences. Vashishtar’s
preaching that had ensured every thread of life’s complexities interlaced with
each other intact from breaking down, and yet was unaware of meanness. It is
the one that offered strength to one’s intellect to walk through a new
path.
The nature of this world
unfairly gets one sided and troubles us! Why has the punishment been meted out
only to the character when the action was not under the control of mind and
energy of carnal impulse? O! Mother…! cries Raman, falls on her feet.
Both the sages (The first
one who considered courage as knowledge; and the other who considered
compassion as the basis of righteousness) were delighted with the opinions
expressed by the boy from his angle of thought. How much light, full of love
and courageous truth it was!
“It is apt for you to
accept her for she has not committed any sin from her heart” –tells Viswamitrar
softly.
His coarseness of
argument shows a tinge of difference in savor in the damp air.
Gautaman, his wife and the
sand mound without pillars had not gone away from the place. The signs of life
tried to set in where there was no life once.
All the forces that came to
change the course of affairs like flog of a whip had disappeared. Should they
not go to Mithila at least by evening? Nuptial bonds invited them extending its
both hands!
Gautaman could not speak to
her as normally as he used to do earlier without being cagey. The way he had burnt
her with the word ‘whore’ that day seems to have burnt his tongue too. What to
speak? What to speak?
“You need anything?” asked
Gautaman. The power of all his intellect that had been discarded in the swirl
of emotions, ejected that meaningless word.
“I am hungry” replied
Akalikai, like a child.
Gautaman brought some
fruits from the orchard nearby. The desire and compassion in his actions found
at the time of his marriage were, nevertheless, reflected now in the actions
and hesitations of his fingers.
“Even
though that marital bond blossomed after the inner compassion had sprung
out, yet it is still based on cheating any way. The one plucked out after making
a sacred round of holy cow” –Gautama’s mind again
burnt itself by shifting its thought.
Akalikai was relieved of
hunger.
There was a complete kindness
in their heart. Yet they were struggling in their respective domain of
thoughts.
Whether she was any longer
fit to be Gautaman’s wife –this was Akalikai’s concern.
Whether he was any longer
fit to be Akalikai’s husband- this was Gautaman’s concern.
The flowers blossomed on
the road side, smiled at them.
Part -2
As wanted, desired by
Akalikai, Gautaman constructed a hut, shortly away from the ramparts of Ayothya
fort on the banks of Sarayu River, at a distance where the intervention of
human beings was non-existent and involved himself in the inquiry of
righteousness. Now Gautaman fully believed Akalikai. Even if she was lying on
the lap of Indran, he would not suspect her fidelity. He believed in that she
was chaste. He was fully aware that his inquiry of righteousness would be in
serious trouble without her errands.
Akalikai nurtured him with
the love that could not be fathomed by heart. The moment she thought about him,
her mind and parts of body would brim with kindness of a newly married bride.
But, the stone descended on her heart had not yet been removed. She wanted to
behave in such a manner so that others would not suspect her; she would not
give space for others to gaze at her even inadvertently. Due to this, her
natural behaviour disappeared and temperament changed. Everyone around her
appeared as Indran. Fear had entered Akalikai’s heart. The way she spoke and
her playfulness were nowhere to be found. She would speak a word only after
repeatedly practicing it for thousand times, memorizing it and scrutinizing it
from different angles. She would get anxious even when Gautama uttered ordinary
words that there might be some inherent meaning in it.
The life became a hell for
her.
One day Mareesi came. A day
before Thatheesi came. On his way to Varanasi sage Madhankar too came to meet
Gautaman. Despite their talk full of compassion and kindness, Akalikai’s body
was lacking pride; her mind felt inferior. It seemed that even hospitality to
be extended to the guests would go out of her hand due to this. Her eyes were
ashamed of looking at people at their face even if they looked at her normally.
She hid herself inside the hut.
The philosophical inquiry
of Gautaman took a new turn now. The barriers of righteousness are
meant only for who are conscious of their misdeeds; even if the entire human
race faces extinction due to some mistakes committed without
self-consciousness, it is not a sin at all; attachment of mind and the actions with
conscious involvement are the only factors of impurity’. Sitting again in
the hut which was once flattened, Gautaman turned his thoughts in this
direction being in state of mind instilled by others in him. Akalya was
wandering as a pure soul in his mind. He was only no longer fit; the fire of
curse from his anger had just made him defiled, he thought.
Sometimes, Raman and
Seethai used to come by that way in chariot for their merriment. The child of
incarnation, he had grown into a youth of aspiration in the mind of Gautaman.
His smile and playfulness became the perennially lighted lamps of Dharma
Sastra. What was the relationship between these young couple? It reminded
Gautaman of his earlier life.
Seethai was just like a
pigeon for Akalikai, who came to Akalikai to bring down the heaviness of
miseries from her mind. It seemed to Akalikai that the speech and smile of
Seethai were cleansing the dirt from her. Only when Seethai came, Akalikai’s
lips would move with smile. Rapture in eyes would show an emerging light.
They were the regal
aspirations brought up under the aegis of Vashistar! Weren’t they? On the banks
of Sarayu River, they were nurturing an earlier happiness in two persons who had
lived in two different worlds.
Akalikai did not like to go
out to see various places. The proximity of Seethai only gave her a bit of
strength and reduced the worries from her heart.
She agreed to participate
in the coronation ceremony at Ayothya. But what a power that the swirl of
emotions she experienced at the palace had in itself! In a single breath,
Dhasarathan’s life was taken away; chased away Raman into the forest; pushed
Bharathan into Nandigram village with tears and distress.
Everything happened and
came to an end just like an indomitable force which could not be fathomed by
human ability, with all its magnificent speed, played its game of chess to its
fullest.
Vashishtar, with all his
alertness, just to establish an empire as a sign of human righteousness brought
them up under his closest supervision. All his calculations were shattered and
got reduced to a dim light from a lamp burning at Nandigram Village.
It can well be said that
the hut on the banks of Saryu River was flattened once again. All the inquiry
of righteousness of Gautaman was also pillaged in the devilish wind that flew
across. The mind was emptied as the hope had dried up.
For Akalikai? If her grief
was measured, it would not be confined in words. She could not understand
anything. She became frail and tired. Raman left for the forest. His younger
brother too followed him. Seethai too had gone. Akalikai felt as if the
darkness once occupied her heart when she was a stone, had filled in the heart again
now. The heaviness of consciousness in her heart was simply unbearable for her.
At dawn, after completing
his morning chores of chanting mantras, Gautaman came out of the river and
entered the hut.
Akalikai moved her lips as
she went to him with a bowl of water to wash his feet.
“I could no longer stay at
this place? We can go to Mithilai”
“O.K. Get ready. It has
been long since we met Sathanandan” told Gautaman and went out.
Both of them started
walking towards Mithilai. A heaviness descended on their heart. Gautaman stood
for a while.
He grasped Akalikai’s hands
who was coming behind him; then resumed his walk; “Fear not” he
said.
Both of them walked
together towards Mithilai.
Part
3
It was dawn. Both of them
were walking along the banks of River Ganga.
Someone was standing in the
river and chanting Gayatri Mantra with his sonorous voice.
Till the chanting was over,
the couple was waiting on the bank.
“Sadhanantha….” Gautaman
called him out.
“O Father…Mother”
Sadhanandan outpoured the delight of his heart and lay prostrate.
Akalya embraced him with her
pouncing heart. This child, Sadhanantha had become an outsider now.
Hadn’t he? Looking like sage with his beard, moustache?
The divinely daintiness of
his son comforted Gautaman.
Sadhananthan took both of
them inside the hut.
After arranging facilities
for their refreshment, he set out for Janaka’s palace of philosophical
discourse.
Gautama too set out,
accompanying him. His son also liked to take his father along with him. His
blood relationship with them got him anxious about the arduous nature of long
journey. Would the muscle group that did
not weaken even after being subjected in an ion long meditation be weakened by
this simple walk? He started his journey, following him. His son wanted to
taste the new course of his father’s philosophical inquiry.
While walking along the
streets of Mithilai, Gautaman understood that the same mental fatigue and grief
felt at Ayothya had spread its influence here too. His repressed sigh got
itself merged with the wind.
People passed by. Came by.
Looked after their works. Everything went on like a well-designed scheme.
Neither a hold nor attachment was felt over stately affairs.
The walk of an elephant
carrying the holy water was void of spirit. The face of the priest accompanying
it did not show any sign of gladness of divinity.
Both of them entered the king’s
debate hall. An ocean of people has had filled in the court. Gautama wondered
how philosophical research was possible at this place looking like a market.
What he thought was wrong, though.
Janakan saw these two at
once.
He came down running and
attended the sage with all hospitality and asked him to sit beside
him.
There was an indication of
grief in Janakan’s face as well. However, there was no heaviness in his speech.
It showed that his mind had not lost its balance.
Gautama hesitated slightly
as to what else to speak.
“Vashishtar did not erect
an outlet to emotions when he built the kingdom” said Janakan, stroking his
beard.
The words of Janakan
touched the nerves.
“Truth is born only out of the
swirl of emotions” told Gautaman.
“Even misery is also born
if one does not know how to use emotions. When you desire to build a kingdom,
you should spare a place for that too. Otherwise, there will be no kingdom”
Janakan told.
“Is it yours?” Gautaman
raised his doubt.
“I am not ruling. I am just
trying to understand the rule” Janakan replied.
Both of them were silent
for a while.
“What kind of philosophical
discourse is yours?” asked Janakan gently.
“I haven’t even yet
started. I have to try to understand it only after this. Riddles obstruct all
the senses with obscurity” Gautaman told and rose.
From next day onwards, he
did not go to Janakan’s hall. Many a riddle stood as high as Himalaya in his
realization. He sought loneliness. But he did not go after it. Akalikai’s heart
should not break anyway.
Next day, Janakan asked
with curiosity “ Where is Muneeswar?”
“He is just spending his
time under Ashoka Tree standing in front of our hut” Sadhananthan
replied.
“In meditation?”
“No. Just in
ruminating”
“Waves haven’t yet
subsided” Janakan murmured himself, calmly.
**
Akalya was very much fond
of taking bath in the river. She used to go with a pot at dawn as she had
thought that there would be peace on the banks of Ganga.
She used to bring water
after taking bath in the river with a sort of solace by letting the tender
creepers of her heart to spread themselves on their own for a couple days in
tranquillity.
It did not last for
long.
After taking bath, she was
coming back contemplatively with her head bent down.
The sound of toe rings was
heard in the front. Might be the wives of some sages! They were also coming
down to the river to bathe. They ran away after seeing her as if she was an
outcaste. They just stared at her sternly and left.
“She is the one… Akalikai”
– words were audible even from the distance. Those words burnt her more than
the fire of curse that furiously flared up in Gautaman’s abdomen that
day.
Her heart was all at once
burning like a cremation ground. Her thought process got dissembled. “O My God!
Even there is redemption from the curse, there won’t be redemption from sins.
Will there be?” Akalikai thought, wept.
She served food to Gautaman
and Sadhananthan like a woman made of machine. “Son has become an outsider;
outsiders too have become enemies; for what the hell should we be here?” this
was the question that hit her heart repeatedly.
Meanwhile, Gautaman too
suddenly put a morsel of food in his mouth and delved into thoughts as if he
had attained his consciousness intermittently.
The heaviness caused by
their restless mind had got Sadhananthan suffocated as well.
In order to reduce the
burden, Sadhananthan said “ Athiri Rishi has come to see Janakan. He is coming
here after meeting Akasthiya Rishi. He is on his way to Himalaya. Raman and
Seethai paid regards to Akasthiyar. Akasthiyar told the couple to stay there as
it is a good hermitage. It is understood that they are staying only there”
“Why can’t we undertake a
pilgrimage?” asked Akalikai slowly.
“Let’s go” Gautaman rose,
tossing his hands.
“Now itself?” asked
Sadhananthan.
“Does the time of leaving matter
anyway?” Gautaman collected his ‘Kamandals’ and looked up to the
entrance.
Akalya followed
him.
Sadhanantha’s heart sank in fire.
Part 4
It was dusk and the signs
of the day got faded. Along the banks of Sarayu River, both of them were
walking towards Ayothya.
Fourteen years had just
passed and merged with the time flown like flood. There were no sages who they
had failed to meet. There were no sacred places which they had missed visiting.
But they did not have peace of mind yet.
They worshipped Mount
Kailash standing upon the snow-clad peaks which were not accessible to the legs
of people lacking strength like the temple of thought of Shiva which was not
accessible to the intellect of weak people.
They passed the desert that
looked like a metaphor of their burden of misery, utter hopelessness.
They came around
magma-spewing Volcanoes and went past them which were burning just like their
heart.
They returned from the
ocean of which waves were tirelessly ebbing its shore just like their restless
mind.
They went past undulated
landscapes which were just looking similar to their path of life.
“Raman would return in a
few days. At least after this, our life will have a new birth”- this
longingness only drew the couple to this place.
They reached the place
where their hut was lying down trampled, which they once constructed fourteen
years ago.
Gautaman somehow repaired
the hut and made it fit for staying overnight. When the work was completed,
star of dawn was visible in the sky.
Both of them returned from
Sarayu River after bathing in it.
Akalikai started attending
to her husband. Both of their hearts greeted the day in advance when Raman and
Seethai were expected to arrive in. However, is it possible to cross
the rules designed by the scope of time other than one’s mind?
One day Akalikai had gone
to bathe in the early morning.
Before her, a widow was
returning after taking bath. She could not identify who it was. But the one
came in opposite direction identified Akalikai. She came to her running and lay
prostrate in front of Akalikai.
It was none other than
Queen Kaikeyi. She had become a lonely saint without any of her entourage
anymore!!
Placing her pot down, she
lifted Kaikeyi and made her stand. She could not understand Kaikeyi’s
actions.
“At the frenzy of
righteousness, Bharathan had forgotten to give me a place in his heart” Kaikeyi
told her.
Her voice did not show
signs of anger expressively. There was no soaring fury either. The Kaikeyi she was
thinking was different from the one she saw now. Akalikai saw only the heart
which was suffering without a supportive creeper.
Both of them walked towards
Sarayu River without even removing their hands from their embrace.
“Who is responsible for the
Bharathan’s obdurate righteousness?” asked Akalikai. A beam of kindest smile
appeared at the corner of her lips and quietly vanished.
“If an accidental fire caused
by a child burns up a village, can we afford to kill the child?” –replied
Kaikeyi.
Akalikai thought that it
was necessary to put a fence in between the child and fire. “But whatever is
burnt is burnt anyway” Akalikai told. “Is it right to sit beside the heap of
ashes without cleaning the place burnt with fire?” – Kaikeyi asked.
“The one who removes the
ashes is going to arrive in a couple of days. Is it not?” Akalikai
said.
“Yes”- Kaikeyi replied.
There was a complete contentment in her voice. Bharathan was not the one who
was expecting Raman. It was Kaikeyi who was expecting him.
Next day when she met
Akalikai, she was pale. Her heart was broken.
“We have sent spies to
search for Raman in all directions. No signs of Raman. How would they come
within forty ‘Nazhigai’? Bharathan is going to jump into the fire.
He is preparing ‘Akni kund’- Kaikeyi said.
Her speech showed her conviction
of belief that Bharathan prepared himself to be burnt just to expiate the sins
of desire for kingdom which befell upon him.
Keeping silence for a
while, Kaikeyi told “I will also fall into the fire. But alone, secretly” Her
mind sparkled with the determination.
Even after fourteen years,
the same swirl of emotions again! Hasn’t the curse that fell upon Ayothya been
redeemed yet?
Akalikai’s heart ran at a
loose end. She started suspecting that it was all because of her
curse.
“Can’t we ask Vashishtar to
stop him?” asked Akalikai.
“Bharathan obeys only
righteousness. Not Vashishtar” – replied Kaikeyi.
“The righteousness which doesn’t
obey human beings is nothing but an enemy to the human race itself” Akalikai
bounced with anger.
A tinge of desire that
Bharathan might obey her husband’s words. Her fear was that the wheels of
misery should not start rolling again in Ayothya.
Gautama agreed. But nothing
happened with his words too.
The God of fire (Akni) did
not like to swallow Bharathan. Hanuman arrived in. The fire got extinguished.
The sorrows from all directions became a momentous rapturous frenzy.
Righteousness ruled everywhere.
An invisible smile at the
back of Vashishtar’s moustache danced at the fact that even after fourteen
years his dream would come true.
In the background of this frenzy
of pleasure, Gautaman returned thinking that he didn’t have anything more to do
there.
Akalikai was at the peak of
her happiness that Raman and Seethai would come to meet her. Raman and Seethai
came to her without their entourage after the commotion caused by enticement
was over.
The forehead of Raman who
alighted from the chariot bore the signs of experience. Seethai’s shine was due
to experience that had blossomed. Harmonization of both of their smile
proffered the taste of heaven.
Gautaman took Raman for a
stroll.
Akalikai led Seethai inside
the hut with the compassion sprung out for a child who was reared up inside her
womb. They were sitting with a grin, facing each other.
Sita told her everything-
how Ravanan abducted her, miseries and rescue that ensued after that- without
making it overtly melancholic. After coming to Raman, how can she be
miserable?
She narrated ‘Akni
Pravesh’ (Jumping into the fire). Akalikai grew enraged.
“Did he ask for it? Why did
you do it?” she asked Seethai.
“He asked me. I did it”
Seethai replied calmly.
“Did he ask?” Akalikai screamed.
Kannaki’s frenzy danced in her mind.
One type of justice for
Akalikai, and for him a different one?
Isn’t it a cheating? Is
the Gautaman’s curse a birth right?
Both of them remained
silent for a long time.
“I must prove myself to the
world. Mustn’t I? – Sita smiled vaguely telling this.
“If the heart knows about
it, I will be enough. Won’t it? Can we ever prove truth to the world? Akalikai
retaliated. Words dried up.
“Even if you prove it, will
it become truth if it doesn’t touch the core of your heart? Anyway stop it.
Where is the world anyway?” asked Akalya.
Voices from outside were
heard. They came back.
Seethai came out to go to
the palace. Akalikai didn’t go out with her.
Raman’s heart was burnt.
The dust fell upon his feet burnt him.
The Chariot rolled away. The sounds of wheels grew thinner.
Gautaman delved into
thoughts, standing. He saw a “zone of Tirisanku” hanging without being
able to fix itself anywhere.
A new lightening idea came
over from the depth of his mind and died instantly. To bring back their earlier
intimacy by reducing the burden of heart, why can’t we beget a baby? Won’t the
tender fingers of the child bring down the burden of her heart?
He entered in.
Akalikai was in state of her lost consciousness. Again the stage for Indran, the Indra’s drama that must be
forgotten. It was running on her mind.
Gautama embraced
her.
It seemed to her that it
was Indra’s impersonation in the form of Gautaman. Her heart grew indurated
further. What a peace!
A stone statue was now lying
on the hands of Gautaman.
Akalikai became stone once
again.
The burden of heart thus finally died.
****
A man was walking towards
Mount Kailash traversing fast the desert of ice. His heels were hardened with
the callous of dejection.
He was Gautaman.
He had become a saint.
***Ended***
